Endure
by Cadel
Summary: No one knew about Carlisle's secret. He lived for the happiness of his family-but as Edward's heart beat for another...his own heart slowly tore apart. Knowing that his feelings were a dead-end he continue to endure in silence.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I was quite surprised by my urge to write this fic. I have never written fan fiction before. The concept remains to be rather new and alien but it seemed like something enjoyable. **

**This story was a device for me to try and explore a relationship dynamic between Carlisle and Edward. I had never considered a romantic aspect to their relationship and it intrigued me.  
Although this will _not_ be a full blown yaoi or smut. Not anywhere near that. I want to portray it very realistically. And very clean. **

**I tried to stick to a realistic take on this. I wanted to see how the characters would truly react to these scenarios and was curious to see if I was capable of portraying them as genuinely as possible. This story won't take much more than 2 or 3 chapters.**

**I largely enjoyed reading the books but I admit the movies were something of a horror. Although I commend the producers and directors for at least trying.**

**I'm afraid I'm not a very experienced writer and this would be my very first attempt. To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement but i do hope anyone who reads this will find it enjoyable to an extent.**

Disclaimer: I believe a disclaimer is needed. For precautionary sake all rights and credit goes to the lovely Mrs. Stephanie Mayer.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_"It hurts doesn't Carlisle? Unrequited love." the old man stated. Carlisle looked at the old man with calm eyes then gave a small nod. _

_"Yes." he admitted. "It does hurt."_

_"Then you will know of the reason that poor young woman did what she had done." he gave Carlisle a wise and knowing look. "You do not need to inquire any such advice from me. I cannot help her and nor can you. All we can hope is to understand and learn."_

_Carlisle clasped the old wrinkly hands of the seer tenderly into his own and gave him a thankful smile. "I understand. Thank you my friend for all the help you have provided us. I hope you stay well." _

_The old man gave a curt nod and waved off the Cullens._

* * *

It hadn't taken long for the Cullen family to arrive back home from the state border.

Alice and Emmet had already fallen back in their familiar daily pattern while Rosalie never really changed in the first place. Esme and Edward were by the piano as her son played her favourite melodies.

The events of the past couple of days seemed to be almost forgotten in all except mind and Carlisle was happy to see his family comfortable again.

It caused a great deal of discomfort when the remains of a dead female vampire lay in half ashes so close to home. No one wanted another standoff with another immortal enemy whose motives were unknown.

They investigated and collected clues from the site. The old man that lived nearby had spoken to the vampire now and then. The old man seemed to know a lot more about their species than he had admitted.

After two days of investigation the Cullens slowly came to the conclusion that the poor female vampire had committed suicide. She somehow burned herself alive then managed to twist her neck backwards. A very hard thing to accomplish but it was not impossible.

Even though there was relief that there was no new enemy to worry about the idea of a vampire so distraught that she could only think of suicide as the only option left a saddening feel on Carlisle.

It definitely brought Carlisle some unwanted memories of Edward's own attempt at suicide not so long ago.

But none the less, everything was back to normal.

He was somewhat curious when Jasper had pulled him aside later that night.

"Can I speak with you Carlisle?"

Carlisle closed the book he was reading and nodded. "Of course Jasper, would you like to take a walk with me outside?"

Both males took a leisurely stroll outside till they had reached the river bank.

Despite his introverted nature and his relatively unstable grasp on the 'vegetarian' lifestyle, Jasper was very much content with how his life had turned out. Especially after the many wars and violence he had been engulfed from the moment of his vampire existence.

He loved his new family and he was grateful for the wonderful gift that Alice was to him. He never voiced out his emotions but he undeniably had the utmost respect and admiration for his coven leader.

Carlisle was a wonder on his own. Even without any outstanding gifts like himself, Alice and Edward - Carlisle was a truly unique individual with intelligence and undying compassion.

Carlisle had sensed that Jasper had wanted to say something to him earlier that day and was not surprised when he had asked for a chat. He waited patiently for his son to get comfortable enough to begin.

Jasper looked over the slow moving river.

"I believe I almost drowned in a river very much like this one. Probably one of my only outstanding memories of my human life." his eyes had a glazed look, like that of remembering in hindsight. "I think I was seven, but I can't be sure."

Carlisle listened with respectful intrigue.

Jasper continued on.

"I could remember feeling terror. The sun light slowly began to disappear as I sank lower to the bottom. I felt terror but I also felt disappointment. Till this day I do not know what it was I was disappointed in." he looked at Carlisle. "I still feel disappointment now… but it's usually at me. I feel disappointed about how much I struggle with blood and how much lack of control I have at times."

Carlisle gently clasps his shoulder in reassurance.

"You've done wonderfully, you've manage such a miraculous feat for someone who had lived such an opposite lifestyle for so long. You have nothing to be disappointed in."

Jasper gave a small smile. "You're never disappointed."

Carlisle gave a light chuckle. "Off course, I have great pride and love for my children no matter what they do."

Jasper could _feel_ the pride and love from his father and knew that Carlisle would never turn his back on his family. He could also feel some other emotion swirling around the blond; it was so very vague, almost like wisps of smoke.

Carlisle patiently watched Jasper think till he finally asked.

"Jasper, are you alright? Was there something you wished to speak to me about?"

Jasper waited for a moment then looked at Carlisle after he made up something in his mind. "You are not happy."

Carlisle was quite startled by the statement. He did not deny nor confirm but thought over Jaspers statement with curiosity. "Am I not?"

Jasper gave him a questioning look.

"I don't mean _unhappy_ completely. I can still sense your undying loyalty, love and compassion for everyone. That much will never change but I can sense something more. No. Something less...something missing. You do not feel complete to me."

Jasper watched his coven leader, watch for any signs of change in his expression.

Carlisle looked clam as ever, his mind seemed to taste Jasper's hypothesis with curious serenity.

It was unlike Jasper to speak so much, to inquire and inform about his own feeling - even less about someone else's.

In the past Jasper rarely spoke to anyone about the emotions he sensed all around him. He never quite confided in Carlisle because there was never a need to. But Jasper was finding it exceedingly hard to ignore what he knew - or what he didn't know - about his leader.

There was something amiss with Carlisle and as a true military man at heart; Jasper did not want to see his leader, his captain - his father - having any unnecessary hurt, unhappiness or conflict.

Carlisle was the unmovable pillar of strength in the Cullen family. He was the father, the leader, the oldest and the wisest.

The very idea of something amiss with their coven leader actually caused a great deal of concern and worry for Jasper.

"Unhappy?" Carlisle mused to himself, brining Jasper out of his thoughts. "This is quite new to me. I didn't think I was unhappy." he turned to look at the river with a contemplative expression.

Jasper quietly monitored his emotions to see some insight in Carlisle's thoughts. Carlisle abruptly broke from his contemplation turned back to Jasper and saw the minute traces of concern and gently clasped his sons shoulder.

"I am sorry Jasper. I didn't wish to concern you and I assure you that I am very happy. I love you all and I could never feel regret or discontent for having such a family. You all have been the most precious gift to me."

There was no denying the genuine sincerity in the way Carlisle had spoken. Offcourse Jasper had already known that Carlisle love them all unconditionally.

Jasper nodded but sent Carlisle a questioning look. "Then I was wrong in my assumptions?"

Carlisle did say anything for a moment and just watched the slow flow of the river but then he finally answered. "No, you were not completely wrong." he admitted.

Jasper considered his answer and decided to continue on.

"It was quite recently when I noticed a strange emotion from you. One that was not there before." he stopped to think about it harder than gently shook his head. "No...I think it was always there. Just it was so minute that I had not picked up on it as a predominant vibe from you. But now that I think about it, this feeling must have been hanging around you for quite some time." Jasper seemed to suddenly ponder over this new realisation with his analytical mind.

Carlisle calmly looked over the water with contemplative eyes. "I wondered when you would pick something up. I had not expected it to be this soon; you have been getting remarkably better in your abilities."

Jasper looked over to the blond with a bit concern. "Carlisle, it causes great concern to me. You're ... breaking."

It startled Jasper when Carlisle started to laugh.

"I didn't think you would say it so dramatically." he watched Jaspers still concerned face and gave a soft smile. "I apologize for your concern Jasper but I don't think _breaking_ is quite the word for it. But yes - I am in sorts - not as well as I wish to be."

Jasper couldn't even fathom the idea of his gentle coven leader to be in emotional turmoil. Because, now that Jasper focused completely on reading Carlisle's emotions he was onslaught with a canon full of senses and emotions.

Love, happiness, concern, understanding, compassion, contentment, serenity, protectiveness, pride were the most dominant emotions. But there was longing and fragments of sharp sadness laced within his father's heart.

There was an inexplicable feeling of acceptance for something that could never be.

What could never be? Jasper didn't understand what it was that Carlisle wanted but could not have. What had his father let go of that was so close to his heart? Jasper became frustrated that his ability to read more of Carlisle's emotion only raised more questions and confusion.

"I - I still don't know what is causing you...sadness. I get the feeling you have accepted already though." Jasper stated quietly.

He looked at the blond man by his side and immediately recognized Carlisle thinking of something, something that caused him a great deal of introverted contemplation.

"It is not my business." Jasper finally said. "You didn't tell any of us till now but I can imagine you have your reasons. Carlisle I apologize for intruding, I should have taken your privacy into consideration."

Carlisle looked over to him with a startled look then gave the smaller blond a calming smile.

"No Jasper, you are not at fault. My...pain is not related to anything that you can help with. There was never any need to worry everyone with something I had already solved." he watched Jasper think through what he had said. "You were concerned that I may have had a problem. But I don't. It was something I had already resolved a long time ago. It is only recently that they were ... brought back to my mind again."

Jasper frowned a little, his brain working through at rapid pace. He was working through the new puzzle that was his father.

Carlisle patiently waited, knowing Jasper would finally catch on to what was going on.

For Jasper the silent permission Carlisle had given him allowed him to suddenly focus on reading his fathers emotions. Each feeling passed through the blond and each one made him understand more.

It took only a moment more for Jasper to give out a light sigh of realisation.

"You are in love... but it brings you no happiness. You see nothing from it, it remains unrequited and without hope." he whispered.

It made sense now...but made no sense at all at the same time.

He remembered Carlisle speaking to the old man earlier that day and found the conversation to be oddly puzzling.

The two men spoke an inside conversation. Jasper also found it surprising when the old man had started talking about the dead female vampire motive for suicide as unrequited love. Then even more shocking that Carlisle had agreed to understand her pain.

Carlisle had been in love and it was not returned.

That was the cause of his heart ache.

Jasper couldn't help but wonder who on earth could resist such a beautiful and loving man that Carlisle was. It seemed ridiculous.

Carlisle seemed to understand Jasper train of thought and interjected calmly. "I am not as desirable as you think." he lightly chuckled at the incredulous look on Jasper's face. "I'm afraid you flatter me Jasper."

Jasper crossed is arms and thought hard about something. Then he finally came to a decision.

"This person who has captured your heart...must be a complete idiot."

Carlisle just seemed to laugh more finding Jasper's statement incredibly hilarious. "Yes" he agreed. "I cannot disagree with you there."

Jasper frowned some more. "I won't ask to know who it is and you have no obligation to tell me -"

"It's someone that you know. Someone that we all love." Carlisle cut in.

Jasper immediately began to process an answer through his mind. Carlisle was over three centuries old and had met hundreds of people that Jasper had never even heard of. Deducing possible love interests was a futile task with too many possibilities.  
But Carlisle was allowing Jasper to find out, he was giving him a chance to discover the truth. Once Carlisle had given him that one clue it didn't take long for Jasper to come up with the answer.

"Edward."

Jasper took a moment to truly absorb this new realisation then turned to Carlisle who was calmly watching him. After calculated deduction and recalling his own observations, it was all too clear the the one Carlisle loved was Edward.

There could be no one else.

"I'm mildly shocked...but at the same time, not surprised at all." he finally confessed.

Carlisle smiled lightly. "Yes, I'm not surprised you said that. I hope this doesn't change your opinion of me?"

"Of course not, although I do wonder how I'd never noticed it before." Jasper mused.

Carlisle sighed and looked up at the sky. Jasper caught a slight drop in Carlisle's mood.

Had he been so blind?

There never seemed to be a need to focus on Carlisle before, he was always so together and so calm.

Watching his father now, Jasper still found his facade to be flawless. He couldn't find anything to give away about Carlisle's feelings for Edward, nothing at all to indicate that he was feeling heart ache.

Jasper frowned at that.

"You say you have resolved this but when I read you there are too many feeling left lingering. Pain being quite a constant one."

Carlisle gave a small smile.

"Yes, I do feel pain. How could I not? I believe it will always be an aching stain on my heart and I doubt it will ever go away."

Carlisle looked down at his hands. Jasper wasn't sure what he was searching for.

"Edward was the first. The very first companion I had turned, the first human blood to past my lips, the first true family I had after so many centuries. I first believed my affections for him to be that of a father but I had soon realised it was not. My bond with him was much deeper." he looked over to his son and smiled gently. "But I don't feel as much sadness as you believe. Not as much as I could."

Jasper frowned not understanding. "How can you not?"

Carlisle gave a tired smile.

"Because, I cannot find it in my heart to be sadden when I see how happy Edward is with Bella. I love Bella as one of my most precious daughters and her life and her dreams are as important to me as Edwards. They have found each other and make each other whole." He continued to calmly stare ahead.

"Something I knew I could never do for him. I only wish the best for my family Jasper and their dreams and hope fuel my own happiness. I could never be sad about Edward's love for Bella; it makes me rejoice that he had finally found someone after so many years. I could never wish them ill. I am content with knowing it will never work out between us, I'm of more use to him as a father."

Jasper listened sadly at Carlisle's explanation but also admired his purity of heart.

Most lower beings would be jealous, angry, unbearable saddened or completely unable to accept being in Carlisle's position.

Unrequited love was agony. That much Jasper knew from years of exposure from all the human emotions around him.

He couldn't even imagine the idea of Alice not loving him back. He couldn't even finish thinking that strain of thought.

But Carlisle had endured this pain of the heart for so long and still he chose to rejoice in the happiness of his significant other rather than his own happiness. Carlisle's patience and compassion was so utterly astounding to Jasper.

His love for those around him was on a completely different level than Jasper had initially thought.

Jasper sighed. "How classically Carlisle. You are truly the most selfless person I have ever had the honour of knowing."

Carlisle just laughed again. "Thank you Jasper. I assure you, it isn't without difficultly."

Jasper frowned at something that had occurred to him. "Esme?"

"She was the first to know. She knew even before I did." he chuckled at that. "The most insightful and understanding woman I have ever met."

"But you two have always been in love." Jasper was now a little confused.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, I love Esme with all my heart. No one could even dream of replacing her. But my love for her is equal to my love for each and every one of you. It is different to the way you love Alice. But I am in love with her. Just it is a different kind of love."

Jasper nodded in understanding. "You don't mind that I know now?"

Carlisle smiled and shook his head. "Not at all, I'm quite relieved I could share this with you." his smile saddened for a moment. "I never wanted to keep it from any of you but it is not something that can be shared so openly."

"I understand. I will not breathe a word of this, not even to Alice." And Jasper knew he would have to selectively block parts of his mind from Edward's mind reading.

"Thank you. I never wanted you to worry or have the burden of carrying this secret."

Jasper shook his head. "I'm glad you told me. But it does fill me with regret that you've been like this for so long. How on earth had Edward not noticed?"

"I can be quite evasive it seems. But I made up my mind that he shouldn't find out about my feelings for him. He'll only be filled with guilt and it'll effect his relationship with Bella. He loves me and I know that…but it's not the same way as I love him. I've accepted that long ago."

Jasper sighed feeling tired already from the unexpected turn of events. He definitely hadn't expected to discover such a revelation in one afternoon.

"I don't like the idea of you being in constant pain." Jasper admitted. "And don't tell me your suffering is little to endure for the sake of the happiness of others. It makes _me _unhappy."

"Thank you Jasper." Carlisle whispered with a gentle smile. "But I truly am fine. I won't deny it doesn't hurt...it is after all an affair of the heart." he looked at his son wisely. "Even in our eternal life of waking death, out lifeless hearts still aches. I don't try to stop the pain. I respect it and let it in. After all, it's what makes us _human_."

* * *

**A/N:** I thought Jasper would be a suitable character to bring out Carlisle's introverted musing. Although he seemed rather chatty in this, I hope he was still in character.

Do tell if you think perhaps they were not portrayed genuinely or if you have any suggestions or thoughts. Your opinions are always welcomed.

**Cheers**


	2. Chapter 2

**A quick chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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**Chapter 2  
**

There was the occasional whisper here and there when ever Dr Cullen passed by in the hospital hallways. Usually by the female staff who, even after years now, could only marvel at the youthful blonds beauty in awestruck admiration.

Despite his handsome features, most of the people that worked in the Forks hospital found it amazing how approachable Dr Cullen actually was. He didn't speak an overall amount but he never made anyone feel uneasy.

His strange amber eyes were always filled understanding and kindness to every patient and staff member he spoke to.

Carlisle had a clipboard in his hands, skimming through files of his patients, seemingly oblivious to the sly, half concealed looks shot his way.

But today, his usually focused mind was somewhere else.

After his talk with Jasper, he felt a whole lot better than he had anticipated.

He knew that out of the member his family, Jasper would be the one to sense something from Carlisle. With his abilities to read emotions, it was only a matter of time before he picked something up.

In the days after the talk, Jasper continued on like he had before, not even indicating he knew anything. Carlisle was grateful for Jaspers loyalty and discretion. Above all else, he didn't want to keep secrets from his family. But this was something they didn't need to know and something Edwards definitely mustn't find out about.

Not for his own reasons but because Carlisle would never want to cause Edward to feel guilt.

He knew his son almost as well as he knew himself. If Edward had ever found out, he would never forgive himself for causing Carlisle to suffer in silence. Edward, Carlisle believed, was quite dramatic and over excessive when it came to the people he loved. No doubt, he would begin to feel like he would have to choose between his father and Bella which was the absolute last thing Carlisle would ever want.

Also it was quite pointless for Edward to know of his feelings at all. Nothing will come of it.

Carlisle felt a lot better knowing that at least Jasper knew. But while Jasper could ignore and pretend he didn't know anything about his secret.

Carlisle could not.

Over the many years Carlisle had kept his feeling under wraps, chilled and hidden somewhere no one could find them.

He still allowed himself to love Edward but no more than that, he knew there was no need to chase after something that he couldn't have. Instead Carlisle hoped Edward would find someone to make him happy, to make him whole.

It filled him with sadness as he watched his son live for so long, believing to be alone while watching everyone else in a relationship.

Edward had once told him many years ago that he believed he would never find love. He continued to believe that despite Carlisle's insistence that it all a matter of time and patience. But Carlisle knew that Edward secretly hoped with all his heart to find his mate, he ached for it just as strong as Carlisle's heart ached for him.

It was almost a century later when they moved back into Forks that a small, fragile but strong-willed human girl had taken away Edwards chilled heart and began to warm him back to life. It had been a long time since he'd seen Edward so alive.

Carlisle only felt a flittering moment of sadness as he watched Edward fall in love but it was only for moment which was replaced by happiness for his son. She breathed life back into Edward who had been unknowingly frozen for so long which eased Carlisle mind a great deal.

Bella would never know the extent of Carlisle's gratitude for her. He would thank her million and one times and it would never be enough.

Carlisle sensed first rather than heard someone approaching him as he stood in the hallway. The person stood a couple of yards from him and didn't approach for a couple seconds, probably unsure of whether they wanted to speak or not. Carlisle immediately recognised the smell of the person and turned around to greet him.

"Sheriff Swan, what a pleasure meeting you again." Carlisle greeted with a dazzling smile.

Charlie blinked for a moment, caught off guard by the sudden greeting.

"Err…I, you too." He belatedly added. He didn't say anything after that, unsure of how to begin speaking again.

Sensing Charlie's slight unease, Carlisle began to speak again.

"How is Bella doing? I haven't seen her over our place for a while."

"Oh um, she's doing well. Yeah, been studying for class exams…been preoccupying her time." Charlie answered awkwardly still looking agitated.

"That's good to hear." Carlisle smiled.

Charlie fiddled with the brim of his sheriff hat and cleared his throat. Charlie was behaving a little out of character and seemed nervous for being there. Carlisle had his own guess for the sheriff's reasons of being here but waited patiently for the other man to speak.

Charlie cleared his throat again. "Well, I was headed down that way so…"

"Oh I see. You're here for an appointment?"

Bella's father seemed even more nervous now. "Well, yes but I didn't make an appointment, I just sort of came here without thinking about it."

"Well, I can cover for you if you'd like sheriff Swan." Carlisle added.

Charlie looked up. "Oh well, I don't want to be any trouble, I know you must be busy."

Carlisle gave his most reassuring, gentle smile and guided Charlie into his office. "It's no problem at all Mr Swan. I just finished my lunch break and my schedule is free."

"Um, sure okay." He reluctantly agreed.

Both entered Carlisle's office and got seated. Charlie sat very still in his seat as if thinking very hard about something while Carlisle was observing his heart rate and smelling his blood for any abnormalities.

"So Sheriff, you wanted to get your blood tested and an overall check-up?"

Charlie nodded but looked uneasy.

The blond doctor stopped writing on his board for a second and looked up at Bella's father. "Mr Swan, was there anything in particular you wanted to speak to me about?"

Charlie looked alarmed for a second but slumped in his chair and nodded. "Yeah, there is."

Carlisle gave another reassuring look. "It's your health?"

He remained silent for a long time till he finally looked up at the doctor and nodded. "Yeah, I wanted to get tested."

Carlisle nodded with understanding and urged him on. "What would you like to get tested on?"

Charlie looked up at the blond vampire and finally answered.

"I – I think have cancer." He finally said. "I want you to test me for lung cancer."

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**Thanks for reading. Chapter 3 coming right up. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Lets Begin 0_0**

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**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

Edward graced through his home after arriving back from another week of school.

A small part of him was very much relieved to be escaping the monotone of classroom lectures and the constant precautions involved in keeping up normal pretenses.

He mused lightly to himself.

It seemed that it was only yesterday that he saw his entire world somewhat a kin to watching paint dry.

He had been a sleep the whole time without realising. A century he had waited for something to break the never ending pattern of his vampire existence but it just continued to drone on.

A small smile graced his marble lips as he thought of the small but fierce girl who had woke him.

"Hey Ed, you up for this weekend?" asked Emmet from the living room.

"Maybe." Edward replied.

"Alice said it would be good weather to go hunting. You should come this time." Emmet urged.

"I'm not sure, maybe." Edward replied again.

Emmet walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen and leaned over. "It's been a while since you've hunted with us. Even Jasper and Rosalie are going tomorrow. Besides the season's perfect at the moment, you should see the size of the bears! Even the deer's are getting pretty sizey than usual. There's something in the water I'm telling you." Emmet continued enthusiastically.

Edward smiled at his brother. "Very tempting Emmet."

The larger brother lightly punched Edward on the arm. "It should be. Seriously come with us this time. It's no fun competing with Alice sometime, she's a total cheat."

Edward gave light chuckle. "You're just slow."

"He's right, you are slow." Alice giggled from behind them.

"Great, everyone's picking on Emmet." He pouted.

Alice gracefully skipped to the bigger man's side and gave him a hug. "Aw it's alright Em, there no shame in losing to me. I am gifted after all."

Emmet gave a mocking growl. "Gifted? Nah, you're a cheat."

Alice giggled again. "I suppose you're right, I am a cheat." She poked out her tongue. "We'll just have to see tomorrow."

Emmet just grumbled underneath his breath while Alice turned to Edward.

"Although I agree with Emmet, you should come join us this weekend. It's been forever since we've hunted together. We'll race, we'll see who's faster?" she encouraged excitedly.

"Give up Alice; everyone knows Ed here's the fastest in the family. You couldn't beat him even with your cheating skills." Emmet jabbed playfully.

"True." Then she smirked. "But you'll always be slow."

"And you'll always be short." Emmet added.

Alice stuck her tongue out again then rolled her eyes. "The guy's never going to give up." She turned to back to Edward again. "Come with us, seriously, you need some blood."

Edward gave a light shrug. "I might, I still have stuff to do here. I might catch up with you later throughout the weekend."

Alice sighed "No you're not, I can _see_ that you're not going to."

Edward gave his sister an apologetic smile. "Sorry Alice."

She just nodded. "Fine, fine, just don't go racing Jasper at who can stay the longest without feeding. Just promise you'll hunt soon, your eyes are starting to look too dark."

Edward gave her a beautiful smile and said, "I promise. I'll hunt later."

Emmet grinned. "Alright then, suit yourself just means more for me."

Edward began walking out of the room until Alice called after him. "By the way Esme wanted to talk to you. She's in the back sun room."

OOO

Edward found Esme fondling lush green leaves in the back room of the house.

Esme had recently showed interest in gardening and growing vegetables and several types of exotic flowers. Her orchids were probably the most beautiful in her collection, some of the species so strange and beautiful that Edward was sure they only grew that way just for his mother.

She smiled lovingly at her son as she sprayed a row of baby peas. "Edward."

"Hello Esme." He stood beside her as she continued to moisten her plants. "I see you've imported new species."

On the table beside them were rows of long purple leaves that looked something a kin to shiny leather and on the other side small pocket sized roses.

Esme touched the roses. "These are from Italy. I thought they looked sweet so Alice bought them online for me."

"They're lovely. I particularly love you're orchids. They're rather strange." Edward commented as he looked over the almost alien looking assortments of blooming orchids flowers.

"Yes, they are strange but they're the most surprising. I have a lot of fun growing these ones." Esme mused.

"They only grow like that for you Esme."

She gave a small bell-like laugh and leaned on her son's arm. "Perhaps…or I'm overzealous in feeding them."

"Like your tomatoes?" Edward laughed.

She gave him a light whack on the arm. "My tomatoes are perfectly healthy; they're just a little over-sized. Besides I donate the vegetables to the local Sunday stalls who like them just fine."

"I'm sure." Edward chuckled lightly. "Alice told me there something you'd like to talk about?"

Esme out the water spray down. "Your birthday is coming up soon and I was wondering if there was anything you wanted to do?"

Edward frowned and realised it indeed was going to be his birthday soon.

Esme let a light laugh. "I knew you'd forget, although Alice never does… and she makes sure nobody else does either."

"I wasn't planning on anything this year." Edward thought to himself.

"Well, I hope you do change your mind because Alice really wants to plan something for you. She's been itching for a party ever since Rosalie's birthday."

He smiled. "If she really wants to then you guys can plan something for me. Just nothing big, I was hoping to spend some of it with Bella as well."

"Bring Bella along this time. It was a shame that we couldn't celebrate last year but everything was a little bit hectic then."

Edward nodded and grimaced inwardly at the dangerous events that seemed to wrap around Bella. That girl attracted bad luck like a magnet.

"Hopefully it stays that way for a while."

Esme nodded. "But the main thing is that everyone is safe this time around and there is no way we are going to let your birthday slide. Make sure Bella comes around to celebrate with us."

Edward smiled and nodded. "Of course just make sure it's not a big party."

Esme continued to water her peas. "I'll try to convince Alice but don't expect not to get big presents. You know our family, we're a little over board with the presents."

Edward chuckled. "We do have over one hundred years' worth of time to think over these things."

"Well, I most certainly loved my most recent gift." Esme turned to look at the glass panels on the ceiling of her small greenhouse. "It's one of my favorites. Now I have this place to grow all my lovely plants."

"Carlisle practically tore the back of the house apart to build it for you." Edward commented.

"True." Esme brushed away some dirt that sprinkled the table top.

Both vampires remained in a comfortable silence as they walked through the rows of lush greenery and soft petals. Esme continued to water the plants and oil down some leaves, leaving the emerald surfaces shining like polished wax.

It wasn't a particularly warm day but it wasn't raining either which was a nice change, especially for Esme's plants. She wanted to get all of the watering done before she left for hunting in the morning and didn't want to leave her plants unnourished.

She looked over to her son who was observing one of her lilies floating in a marble basin. His face was thoughtful and pensive but a slight edgy look was in his dark eyes.

"_Edward, are you alright?"_

He looked up as he broke away from his thoughts and gave a reassuring smile. "Of course."

Esme gracefully walked over to her son and looked up to his face. "You seem concerned dear, is there something wrong?"

Edward shook his head. "Everything is fine, it's nothing to be concerned about." he gave her a gentle smile. "I'm just over thinking things."

She touched his cheek with her hand and looked at the dark colouring of his usually amber eyes. "Will you come hunting with us tomorrow?"

Edward shook his head again. "I'm sorry but I won't be going with you."

"I assume there is a reason why you won't come along with the rest of us." Esme guessed.

Edward looked at his mother and sighed lightly. "I'll admit that there is a reason why I'm not willing to go this weekend. But it's only this weekend. I'll hunt soon after I'm done here." He explained to the smaller woman.

Esme looked at him for a moment, seeming to asses him. She then smile at him and nodded. "I understand. Just, if there is something troubling you, I'll always be here to help. Promise you won't do anything…dramatic."

Edward laughed at that. "I promise I won't."

"Well, if you're not going with us then will you do me a favor?" Esme asked.

"Of course."

"We'll be gone for a couple of days and there will be no one to look after my plants. I was hoping you could maintain them for a while?"

"I'll help you as much as I can." Edward agreed.

Esme smiled. "Thank you. Most of them don't need too much effort to look after them but a couple of the younger ones need to be watered every day."

She explained the rest of the details and scheduling of all her plants while Edward memorised them all in his head and they continued to leisurely walk between the folds of greenery.

OOO

As expected the next morning Edward found the house empty.

He had returned from another night in Bella's room, watching over her as she slept. Bella was feeling tired the previous day but had wanted to spend it with Edward disregarding her need for rest. Of course Edward had convinced her to lie down for a while which ended up with her in a deep sleep for the rest of the day and night. Of course he never left her side, softly crooning her favorite lullaby.

Edward had become increasingly concerned for Bella recently, she was not acting herself. What was more distressing to Edward was the fact that she wasn't confiding in him the way she had always done so in the past.

Edward was convinced that something was troubling her and all he wanted to do was rub away the worry lines from her forehead. Although she seemed fine when she was distracted but Edward had constantly caught her drifting off into deep thought, always with a sadden edge in her hazel eyes.

Edward's thoughts were immediately cut off as he stopped dead in his tracks. He had just heard something. Music, he could hear music.

No, it wasn't exactly music but more a humming sound that hovered over the empty house. The tune was soft in tempo and had no definite rhythm to it but there was an ethereal quality to the sound that was soothing. Edward's musically aesthetic senses were immediately piqued as he allowed the humming to caress his ears. It was indeed very beautiful but for some reason Edward found it to be only hummed in half intent.

A moment later Edward realised that it was not external at all.

The humming was in the thought of someone in the house. The vampire frowned for a moment. There wasn't supposed to be anyone else in the house, everyone had gone hunting leaving Edward alone in Forks.

He tensed in the case of potential threat but relaxed almost immediately when he concentrated in finding the scent and found it to be familiar.  
He followed the droning tune like a silk trail to the upper level of the house to one of the unused bedrooms.

Edward put extra care in not being detected as he silently peered through the door.  
It was there, in the middle of the sunlit room, where Edward found the source of the soft humming.

* * *

**Edward has finally entered the scene.  
I****t was good fun writing something among all the horrible school stuff. **

**Cheers**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This'll be the first interaction between C and E in this story. As much fun as I had writing this, it was also very frustrating to flesh out. I tried keeping these two in character as much as possible.**

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**CHAPTER 4**

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In the middle of the warm room was their blond coven leader, silently lying on the bed, bathing underneath the orange flush of the morning sun.

He seemed to be asleep with an ancient looking tome resting on his chest that rose and fell rhythmically. Carlisle's golden hair was sprawled over the white pillow and some carelessly over his eyes which he did not bother to push away - oddly making him look very human. His lips were partially open, the way a child would have looked when taking an afternoon nap. One of his delicate hands was placed in the cover of the book that lay forgotten while the other hand lay calmly on his stomach.

For a moment all Edward could do was stare.

It shouldn't have been too odd but it had just occurred to the younger vampire that he had never seen his father actually lie down on a bed before. Well at least not like this, this was completely...unvampire-like for lack of better term.

There was nothing wrong about resting in bed but the action itself was completely unnecessary, seeing as they could not sleep. It was stranger for Edward as it was _Carlisle_ that was lying in bed. Once again, it shouldn't have been too odd but for some strange reason it undeniably was.

For a moment Edward was almost convinced that Carlisle was really actually sleeping. Not just lying down but _actually_ sleeping.

The blond man seemed to exude calmness from the very posture of his body as it slumped into the mattress and quilts. There was an undeniable feeling of relaxation that was palpable in the room. To the younger vampire, Carlisle looked so unconscious, so... _asleep_ to put it simply, that Edward had found the scene oddly fascinating.

Edward himself had once or twice just lain down on his bed for no real reason.

Whenever any of them did though, they never actually got underneath the blankets. The idea just doesn't cross their minds because it's just so unnecessary. They have no need for warmth or the comfort of silk sheets. They could stand on their feet's for _months_ without needing to move for relief.

To sleep. It was an ability that all of them had lost in return for the immortality. But Edward had sometimes wished that he could just close his eyes and just slip into unconsciousness from time to time. From his silent observation, he wondered if Carlisle felt that way sometimes as well.

He continued to watch Carlisle lying in bed completely relaxed, all sense of his graceful posture that came with his after life was gone. He observed the large pillows that engulfed the blond vampire's body that seemed to hug the outline of his frame; the blankets served to snuggly cover his body keeping him warm - almost as if he needed to be protected from the cold.

Edward was struck with how utterly human Carlisle looked, so much more human than any of them had ever achieved to be. The only thing that really gave away that Carlisle was not sleeping was the melodic droning of the mysterious tune. The tune that Edward had heard was being hummed in Carlisle's head.

It occurred to him that perhaps he should not be seeing this. The younger vampire had never seen the older man so relaxed before and Edward had always though that Carlisle was a pretty open to all of them. But seeing his father look so totally without guard Edward realised that was not the case. Evidently his father kept some time to himself that held no immediate involvement with the rest of his family. He found this mildly upsetting.

Edwards musing was cut as he realised that the humming from Carlisle's mind had completely stopped.

_Edward._

The name was whispered in his blond man's head.

Carlisle remained under the blankets but his eyes slowly began to open till he was staring at the ceiling. His expression remained to be blank and so was his mind as Edward found it particularly hard to hear anything. Edward took this as an opportunity to alert Carlisle of his presence as he slowly opened the door.

He approached his coven leader with some caution, he felt as if he needed to be quite, as if he was trying to not wake a slumbering king. Edward stood by the end of the bed watching Carlisle shift the blankets of his body and gracefully stand up, leaving the book on the pillow. Seeming not at all miffed or questioning about Edward's presence there.

Carlisle finally turned to Edward after what he thought felt like a long time and smiled kindly at his son like he always did.

"I apologize Carlisle, if I had intruded."

Carlisle gave shake of his head and smiled again.

_Not at all Edward, you are always welcome to talk to me whenever you wish._

A little relieved Edward nodded. He observed Carlisle silently as the older man drew the curtains back and fixes the bed with quick graceful movements. In a few minutes the room looked as if it had never been touched. The blond vampire picked up the book and gestured Edward to follow him downstairs.

"That was a lovely tune." Edward commented suddenly.

"Tune?"

"The humming, the one I heard in your head. It was what alerted me that someone else was in the house." Edward explained walking down the stairs.

"Ah yes." the blond man nodded. "Thank you."

Edward frowned ever so slightly as the other vampire no longer explained anymore. As if sensing his train of though Carlisle immediately spoke.

"It was a tune sung to me by someone I loved dearly a long time ago. A lullaby of sorts." Carlisle smiled in memory and Edward could once again hear the tune playing quietly in Carlisle's head.

The younger vampire was a little surprised, something that seemed to be reoccurring a lot this morning. The explanation only served to make him more confused.

Everyone in their family knew that Carlisle was the oldest and had centuries worth of experience and knowledge. None of them really ever delved too deeply into Carlisle's past out of respect. It was his past not theirs. It was a little amusing that all of them thought they knew him a great deal but it wasn't possible for any of them to comprehend the life Carlisle had experience during those long centuries alone.

Once again Carlisle must have seen something on Edwards face because he explained further. "It was in my human days." As if that seemed to explain everything he continued to walk downstairs.

The two continued to walk down silently till they both reached the study on the bottom floor. Carlisle's thoughts were oddly blank. It made Edward slightly uneasy but dismissed it.

Carlisle placed the tome back and quickly drew out another thick book from the shelf. The older vampire had an astounding collection of books, tomes and documents that seemed to only grow and grow as time went by. Edward was sure he had read them all by now but the blond man always seemed to be holding something new in his hands. Edward chuckled lightly at his father's enthusiasm for knowledge as he grabbed another book.

Carlisle raised his eyebrow at his son. "Something amusing you Edward?"

"Just observing." he added lightly. Edward pulled a book out from the shelf and lightly scanned through the pages. "I remember this one."

The older man glanced at the book in his hands and smiled. "Ah yes, I believed I recommended it to you after you had burned down my library back in Seattle."

Edward gave out a small chuckle that was something akin to embarrassment. Perhaps if he had been human his father would probably have seen a guilty flush adorning his son's face. It was now Carlisle's turn to laugh at him.

"Still guilty about that I see."

Edward gave small smile and shook his head to himself. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't laugh. I still find it hard to believe I even let that happen, I know how much value you put in books. Burning down your library was a lapse of sheer stupidity on my behalf."

The blond man was still chuckling. "It's not the books I value but the knowledge within them and that knowledge was already all in here." he tapped his temple.

He laughed a little more at the funny look on his son's usually calm face. "It was an accident, all is forgiven."

"Yes but as 'perfect' immortals with heightened senses and intellect, I imagine accidentally burning down one's library to be completely ridiculous." Edward muttered with a guilty mar on his face.

The blond man's amusement grew as he observed how much this topic irked Edward. "We are hardly perfect. But if you insist on taking the blame, by all means go right ahead."

The younger vampire shot a mocking scowl and gave a defeated sigh.

Edward knew Carlisle found this very unfortunate chapter in his life to be hilariously comical but he most certainly did not. It remained to be a horrible stain in Edward's history rivaling that of his gruesome solitary days after he had left Carlisle so many decades ago.

The book in his hands was the only one that did not perish in the fire as Carlisle had been reading it. When Edward had profusely apologized in the aftermath, all Carlisle had done was laugh then hand him the copy he was reading without saying a word. Racked with guilt and shame Edward had not even attempt to read the book until a month later but he surprisingly found the small novella to be quite entertaining.

He stared down at the small novel in his hands and allowed a smile to grace his lips. Despite Carlisle using the book as some sort of sadistic reminder of Edward's ridiculous lapse of stupidity, he was also quite fond of it. The tattered spine and the browning crisp pages represented the days shared by he and Carlisle together.

Edward could hear Carlisle was thinking of equally sentimental thoughts as he ran pale fingers up and down the silk ribbon in between the page. He seemed to be running through years in his head with a fond smile touching his lips.

Edward was hit was a sudden wave of nostalgia as he stood beside Carlisle in the study room. They had done this many times in the past, before their family had grown large, back when it was just Carlisle and Edward.

But he hardly ever spent time with the blond man anymore. He didn't even know when things had changed but the thought left Edward a little pensive.

_Edward._

He immediately looked up to a watchful Carlisle looking back at him.

_Is something the matter?_

He wondered for a moment whether he was always so transparent. But perhaps it was just Carlisle who was perceptive.

He gave Carlisle a reassuring look and shook his head. "Everything is fine." he glanced back down at the book in his hands. "I was just realising that we haven't done this in a while." He looked back down at the tattered novel in his hands. "So many things have happened...I suppose I got a little lost with keeping track of things."

Carlisle gave an understanding smile.

_At least you're here with me now. _

Edward lightened up a little bit.

It was odd, the younger vampire really felt like he hadn't seen Carlisle in a long time even though both vampires lived in the same house. A horrible idea crept into Edwards mind...had he been neglecting the rest of his family as well?

The younger felt cool hands brush away the dark strands of hair from his cheek. He looked up at Carlisle who then gently lifted his chin in his hand.

"If ever you need me, I will always be here. Even when you can't see, hear or talk to me, I will never be too far away." he gave a warm smile that seemed to glow into his dark ember eyes. "We have both been busy but if you would like, I will always allocate some time for just the two of us. Like old times."

"I'd like that." but shook his head. "But it's not you who should be making time, I think I've been neglecting everyone else." Edward added bitterly to himself.

"You haven't, we've all been busy, particularly you. Bella is by no means an easy person to look after." Carlisle gave a light chuckle that rang softly like bells.

Edward laughed. "That much is true, she keeps me on my toes."

Carlisle continued to look at Edward with a speculative stare which puzzled Edward for a moment. The blond then leaned back and placed his book on the study desk.

"Your eyes a little too dark. You should have gone with the rest to hunt." Carlisle commented lightly.

Edward sighed. "Esme talked to you didn't she?"

"I can see your eyes for myself. You haven't hunted in a month which is unnecessarily long time to hold off feeding." Carlisle turned to the younger man. "Also Esme _did_ mention she was concerned for you."

Edward looked and the pattern on the tapestry wall absentmindedly.

"I didn't mean to make her concerned, I just had some stuff to do." he glanced at his father. "Alice mentioned that everyone was going together, why aren't you with them? Esme didn't convince you to stay did she?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No she didn't, but she did ask me to look out for you while I'm here."

"There really is no need for the worry." The younger man added. "I will make sure I allocate time to feed later, for now I have prioritized my time."

Carlisle sat down and nodded. "May I ask why you seem so adamant in holding off another hunting trip? It is Bella?" he guessed.

"Who else?" Edward sat down in the opposite sofa nodded with a small smile. "I wasn't comfortable leaving this week; I don't want to leave her alone until I know she will be alright."

Carlisle gave a concerned look. "I hope she's not ill, is she?"

Edward paused for a moment before answering. "Not in the conventional sense no. But she just hasn't been herself lately. I can see it in the posture of her body and the weariness within her steps."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "Have you detected any form of illness?"

Edward shook his head. "No, physically she's healthy thankfully but there has been something occupying her mind lately and it keeps her distracted and clumsy ... at least more than usual."

Carlisle silently listened to Edwards concerns. "Well, at least you will be there for her."

The dark-haired man nodded. "Yeah, but this has been going on for almost a week now and she hasn't spoken anything about it with me. She always tells me what's on her mind but this time she seemed adamant in convincing me that everything is okay when I know they're not." there was a subtle, desperate edge to his voice as he spoke. "I can't help her if I she doesn't talk to me, I'm not use to her shutting me out Carlisle. It makes me feel ...useless." Edwards voice started to sound similar to that of a teenager ranting out his angst.

The blond vampire gently reached over and clasped Edward's wrists in a comforting hold.

"Edward, you are still of use to her whether she talks to you or not. Keep her company, talk to her, watch over her and protect her like you have been always doing and that should be enough until she decides to open up to you." Carlisle looked at Edward with a reassuring look. "Bella is smart but she is ruled by her emotions and her strong sense of what is important. You - Edward - are probably the most important thing to her other than her immediate family. She will talk to you, maybe not now but most certainly later."

Edward appreciated his father encouraging advice and nodded. "Alright," he ran in fingers through his hair. "Thank you Carlisle, I think I needed a voice of reason."

Carlisle squeezed his son's wrists and gave a brilliant smile. "Anytime Edward, I'm just glad you told me." he reluctantly let his hands go and leaned back onto the soft couch.

They fell into a comfortable silence, both vampires absorbed in their own thoughts. Carlisle looked out the glass panels that overlooked the back facade of the house with misty eyes.

"Edward." he said without looking away from the windows. "If..." he paused for a moment as Edward turned to him with curiosity. "If you had never met Bella would you have continued to stay with us?"

Edward frowned in slight confusion. "Would I have continued to stay? Why would I have wanted to leave in first place?" He regretted saying that almost immediately as he read Carlisle's memories of the first time he had left. "I'm sorry about that, of course I wouldn't leave, not for any reason. All of you are my family." he amended.

"I know." Carlisle reassured. "I was just wondering possible outcomes if we had done things just a little differently. Of course I regret nothing but I can't help but marvel at how much we've all changed in the past year."

Edward agreed whole-heartedly as he had experienced firsthand how much a small thing could change him forever. "I think I've changed the most since I had met Bella. If someone had told me that I would be in love with a human girl two years ago, I think I would have had a very hard time believing that."

The blond man could easily see Edward speak of Bella with such adoration and love that he knew without doubt that he was completely in love. "Then I'm glad that you finally had the chance to meet your mate. I had worried before that you would not find one."

Edward softened a little at Carlisle's genuine concern for him.

"Thank you but it was never a concern for me to begin with. It was one day after another before I had met Bella."

Carlisle shook his head. "I remember you once told me that not only did you _not_ want to find your soul-mate but you didn't think you deserved one. You were quite fixed in that idea and I suppose...it made me a little upset."

Edward could hear his father's internal thoughts of how he was before he had met Bella. It was probably the first time Carlisle voiced his concern in regards to how destructive Edward's mind-set was before. There was no doubt that the younger vampire had always had conflicting philosophies about his existence as a vampire and struggled to forgive himself for his past crimes...and crimes he had not yet committed.

"I was...waiting for something, sleeping through it all with my eyes open." Edward admitted. "Now I feel like it all made sense...Bella made my existence make sense. She is everything to me now and I can't see a life without her."

The younger vampire's confession was not surprising to Carlisle.

"Did you really feel so empty before her?" Carlisle asked neutrally.

"Honestly I don't know. It wasn't until she arrived that I realised how 'dead' I had been before."

The older blond was very good a concealing his thoughts on the matter as a small weight sank to the bottom of his stomach.

"I see."

* * *

**I think I died a little writing this but ... there you go .**

**I hoped you liked it. You're opinions would much appreciated. **

**Cheers**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** By the end of writing this, I almost wanted to cry. Almost being the operative word. I wanted to write a scene between Carlisle and Edward that was reminiscent of the old days. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

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**CHAPTER 5**

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True to his word, Edward made effort to spend more time with Carlisle the next day.

After his daily visit to Bella, the younger Cullen sought his father out, who was reading a new medical article on spinal taps in the lounge room.

The two men lounged comfortably on the couch as they discussed various topics on medical procedures to debates on the various ingredients in gumbo - which was difficult seeing as neither vampire had tasted the dish.

Carlisle indulged Edward on a few stories of his solitary adventures around Europe in the eighteenth century, many which involved elaborate festivals, revolutionary scientific discovery and completely insane kings with wives that were even more deranged.

Edward had decided long ago that if Carlisle had not been a doctor, he would have made a wonderful story teller.

He believed that the stories came to life from the voice and eyes of its narrator, which weaved an almost tangible taste in the air. The blonde doctor had always captured Edward's attention from the first three syllables of his tales which were so unbelievable and fair-tale like that it was hard to imagine that the man was really sitting here with him now. Of course Edward's mind reading abilities did add an extra element to Carlisle's tales but he always made sure that he focused on the words being told instead of the words in his head.

It was very odd, that no matter how many tales Carlisle had told him and the family, it never seemed to actually reveal much about Carlisle himself.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that his stories were somewhat told through characters that he had interacted with rather himself. The older Cullen was somewhat dislocated narrators who pulled himself out of the tales and let the other illustrative elements take over.

For Carlisle, the afternoon had been unexpectedly nice.

Even though it was only yesterday that Edward had declared he would spend more time with him, it had been a long time that Carlisle had been aware of his absence while the younger did not.

The blonde doctor had watched Edward become more distant from him over the years and hoped that he would find his way back to him. He told himself that he would be happy just to have his presence near him, to know that Edward still needed him like the way he did in his first years as a new born.

Edward had depended on Carlisle a great deal in those early years and he missed being the central pillar in his life - sometimes he wished Edward still needed that dependency from him, as selfish as that seemed but if it meant relieving the empty, dull, ache in his chest then he would continue to still wish for it.

It had been a very long time since Edward had sought out Carlisle's company but their time together that afternoon was reminiscent of the many afternoons they shared together decades ago.

In Edward's early years as a new born, his telepathic abilities were very strong and his control was minimal. Most of the time the younger vampire had been so overwhelmed by the barrage of thoughts that his head constantly felt like splitting in half. Carlisle had helped him gain slow control of the inflow of thoughts and trained him to focus on one voice only.

His father always offered up his mind for Edward to practice on.

Edward remembered sitting in a night cafe as his head was assaulted with the thoughts of hundreds of people during the busiest time of the year. Edward had begun to master control over resisting human blood in large groups of people and had only his telepathic abilities left to master.

Carlisle would call his name repeatedly in his head and urge him silently to focus on only his voice. Once Edward had managed to tune out the other voices he would try to maintain his focus.

It was Carlisle's stories that Edward had honed into during his intensive lessons so many years ago.

It didn't take long for Edward to gradually block the murmuring buzz of thoughts around him till all he could see and hear was Carlisle alone. The other voices in his head had gradually become more quite as Edward listened in to the previous life of his father in Europe which was so different to the one his had then. His fascination and curiosity on the life of his creator was far more powerful than the droning chatter around him.

After dozens of lesson in which the two pale men sat together in the hustling crowded cafe alley, Edward had soon begun to control his mind reading ability.

Now Edward had found himself - almost a century later - sitting on a couch with the same man, listening to tales of his past with the same amount of fascination he had when he was eighteen.

"Despite my extensive travels in Europe, there was a time where I reached the shores of the Middle East for a very short period." Carlisle admitted as he shifted on the sofa.

Edward was quite surprised. The eastern countries and the dry southern continents were always a dangerous place for their kind to be. Exposure to the presence of vampires was higher in hot, dry climates where there was too much sun and very little shade. Sparkling skin was not something humans considered the norm.

"I was never aware you had traveled so far east." Edward admitted.

"It wasn't really something I had planned." Carlisle thought for a moment as he relived the past then continued on. "I was doing medical research that began in Austria then Italy which then eventually led me to Greece. I mainly traveled inland but now and then I went island hopping and at one point I went far enough east that I had reached the coasts of modern Turkey. One of my more spontaneous travels." he chuckled lightly.

The younger Cullen was rather intrigued. "What was it like?"

Carlisle smiled at Edward's enthusiasm. "Well, I didn't go too far in but, I learned more about their culture through observing the people and I only went out at dusk and night due to risk of exposure." he paused to remember. "But I found that the characters that emerged with the moon to be more than fascinating."

Edward could hear Carlisle's thoughts in broken tangles as he jumped from one memory to the next in a fast pace. There was one particular name seemed to stand out amongst the sea of thought in blonde's mind which Edward kept coming across.

Edward slightly tilted his head to the side and asked. "Who's Telzha?"

"Telzha is not a person." he paused again to think then continued on. "They are a clan of nomadic people. I encountered them during my visit to Turkey. Very small and compact knit of families that share similar gods and tradition."

Carlisle's thoughts were rushing through hundreds of memories that it was hard for Edward to follow his thoughts.

"I was treating a child of their clan who had small pox and was trying to cure her and also prevent outbreak. The poor child's grandmother was the local healer but was distressed due to her inability to help her grand-daughter. I tried my best to help her but..." Carlisle's eyes showed momentary pain. "But I could not save her."

Edward knew that every death of a patient that Carlisle had always had a personal impact on his father. For someone as compassionate for life, it was never an easy thing for the blonde. "I'm sure you tried your best regardless of the outcome."

Carlisle nodded with gratitude. "I know." he sighed. "Although that didn't stop the child's older brother accusing me of deliberately killing her. I tried to assure him that I did no such thing but he was adamant in his belief. I assumed the brother was just consumed by grief of the death of his sister that he was willing to accuse me but the notion disappeared when he later called me a _monster_ of the night."

Edward's eyes widened a little. Carlisle seemed to guess what he was thinking and nodded. "Yes, he knew that I was a vampire. In fact the whole clan knew what I was the whole time."

Edward leaned forward in curiosity. "How? How could they possibly know?" He was also thinking about how a whole group of _humans_ could know their secret yet still be alive without alerting the Volturi.

"Honestly, I don't know. But it seemed the whole nomadic tribe knew long before I ever arrived so I'm assuming they've had encounters with our kind before...or even worked with them. I'm not sure about my theories but it was a rather curious situation."

"What did you do next?" Edward asked.

"I left almost immediately, not just for my safety but also theirs. The longer they had affiliations with me the more danger I place them in. But before I went I asked the dead child's grandmother why she allowed me anywhere near her grand-daughter when she knew what I was."

Carlisle paused and Edward unconsciously leaned in. "She told me that she never once doubted that I would never harm her or anyone else in her tribe." the blonde gave a reminiscing smile. "She said that my eyes were open and honest, more than the people around her and my eyes held more _life_ than her living kinsmen."

Edward chuckled which caused Carlisle to raise an eyebrow.

"Only you Carlisle." The younger chuckled shook his head. "Only you would turn a monster-fearing human to trust you with their dying child without uttering a single word." he looked at his father fondly and with a bit of pride. "She's right...you are more honest than many humans _and _vampires alike. That's what we all love about you, you're trustworthy, noble and compassionate to a fault."

Carlisle looked earnestly at his son and gave a warm smile that had Edward smiling as well.

_Thank you Edward._

The younger grinned back and nodded his head. "Also did I mention completely insane? What vampire comes up with an idea about living off animal blood than starts his own vegetarian club?"

Carlisle's laughed chimed through the room. "Aro said the exact same thing, called me a _revolutionist_. Although I never imagined that I would make my own coven at the time, nor did I think that anyone willing to follow me would accept my _unique _lifestyle. It was not something I wished to force on anyone."

Edward almost cringed as he remembered his own rebellion against Carlisle's philosophies. He knew even then that he had hurt Carlisle when he left. As he turned from him and walked away, all Edward could hear in his father's mind was self-loathing and disappointment. Carlisle adamantly believed to have failed him as a father and a leader when it was Edward who had failed Carlisle.

When he came back Edward was racked with guilt, shame and a sense of dread that he hadn't experience since lying on his death bed. He had turned into the very monster he feared to become and had willingly taken lives of the worst kind of men. In the end even the seductive blood on his tongue tasted bitter with remorse. He had no right to play god and no right to spurn his creator away when all Carlisle ever did was believe him to be the pure-hearted man he always wanted to be.

There were no words to describe the pure elation of having Carlisle almost run up to him when he came back. The blonde doctor didn't even flinch when he saw his sons blood red eyes not did his thoughts ever accused him of betrayal.

Carlisle had embraced him and Edward had held onto him with dear life, not believing this amazing man had accepted him back without any questions asked.

The blonde's mind kept repeating his name and nothing but relief and happiness showed in his thoughts. As happy as he felt then, he could not push back the feeling of self-loathing. Edward did not deserve his compassion sometimes.

The dark haired vampire glanced at Carlisle who was staring right back with clam honey eyes that held nothing but love.

"Carlisle...the day I came back to you all those years ago. Did you expect me to come back at all?" he suddenly asked.

Carlisle looked away and glance at the carpet with pensive eyes. "I don't know...I think a part of me didn't expect your return...I could not allow myself to hope for that."

Edward inwardly cringed at his words.

"I didn't want to dwell on possibilities of return when all I could think about was if you were safe and okay." he gave a small smile. "I was willing to let you go so you could learn and discover on your own. You needed to learn things about yourself that I could not teach you. But I was...very sad that you did not need me anymore."

Edward thought that was ridiculous. Edward had needed him for almost all his immortal life and still did. Carlisle was never expendable nor tossed away. But Edward had never voiced his thoughts out to him just like the way he never voiced out his happiness when Carlisle had hugged his red-eyed son after months of betrayal.

All he said was sorry and that was all Carlisle needed. But Edward knew that his father deserved better than just an apology.

He took Carlisle's hand in his own which shocked his father out of own musings.

"Carlisle...I will always need you, you will never be a side-lined nor become redundant. You are my creator, my father and my best friend. I never truly told you how sorry I was when I had left you but I will tell you how happy you made me when I realized that you still wanted me back...despite my horrible and unacceptable betrayal." his words were firm but also laced with self-bitterness.

He looked into mildly shocked honey eyes and continued. "I made a horrible habit of not speaking my mind but I want you to understand that you will always be the most important person to me. I don't want you having any other doubts on the matter." he added firmly. "I love you with all my heart."

Carlisle looked only little startled by Edward's declaration on the outside but in the inside, Carlisle was reeling from the words like he had been physically hit.

Carlisle looked down at their joined hands and felt Edward slender fingers in his own.

Edward's words meant more to him than he would ever truly comprehend. The honestly of his voice were like a warm soothing balm while simultaneously cutting into him like barbed wire.

_"I love you with all my heart."_

Carlisle almost wanted to cry because those beautiful words where exactly what he'd always wanted to hear from Edward but also entirely wrong.

He could not understand how it could be both lovely and painful to hear.

Probably because Carlisle knew in his heart that as important as he may be to him, Edward will never love him back the way Carlisle did. Edward could say he loved him again and again, every day and Carlisle will always know that it was not the same way has he feels. Those words were so close to what he wanted to hear but entirely different. Carlisle had never realised until then that he wanted Edward to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear.

But Carlisle knew his own reality.

He would always be an important person to Edward but not the most precious, he will always love him but nothing more than a father. These needs had always been pushed away as Carlisle resolved that his happiness is Edward's happiness. Nothing more.

He could feel the warmth in Edward's hands against his despite their cold skin and he could feel those warm familiar eyes looking at him. Sitting there together on the couch, Carlisle wanted nothing more than to have that love returned to him. He wanted to feel that connection, he wanted to hear lovely words that were only for him from Edward's own lips.

For the first time since his years knowing Edward, Carlisle wanted to be loved with every fiber in his being.

He wanted it with desperation so raw and hopeless that he could not bear the thought of not having it. His control faltered for only a moment and he found himself overwhelmed.

Carlisle could not understand how after Edward had said those words, the younger man seemed even more unreachable.

If he hadn't been a vampire nor so controlled he would have wept. But his thoughts were covered and he face showed no signs of emotional turmoil. The blonde doctor squeezed Edwards hands but gently let them go before his hands began to shake.

"I know." he then gave the most beautiful smile he could muster. "I love you too. I love you with all my heart."

And Carlisle continued to smile. But his eyes remained closed.

Because behind his shut lids, he was crying.

* * *

A/N: It turned out a lot more angsty than I intended but it was fun to write out. Carlisle always seemed to write on his own.

I want to thank **CarlisleLover1234** for being the first to comment and the first to support me, you words have kept me carrying on. Much appreciate sweetheart. Cheers.

I'm still new to fan fiction but all the favs and alerts have pushed me to keep writing fearlessly and for all my supporters - I thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I squeezed this chapter in while studying for my final math exam...big stuff. I have way too many equations circling in my head so I thought it should clear it up before tomorrow.

Enjoy

* * *

CHAPTER 6

* * *

On the third day all Edward could do was watch Bella try to finish writing her essay. She was distracted and would occasionally stop writing and look out the window. When she wasn't still she would seem completely normal that even Edward had to credit her acting skills but her body language told him something entirely different.

It was blatantly clear that Edward's concern for her was not unfounded. Something was definitely wrong and it was becoming slow torture watching her agitation. He wanted nothing more to grab her hands so they would stop twisting the top of her abused pen.

But Edward forced himself to be patient. He needed to let Bella sort it out first for herself, he needed to respect her own independence. But it was a lot harder to accomplish than Edward first thought.

By lunch time Edward brought up her food as she continued to plow through her homework.

"Bella, you should eat."

She looked over and smiled. "Thank you but I'll eat after I've finished my essay."

"You should take a break, unlike some, you're not immortal. You still need food." he insisted.

She rolled her eyes and gave a sly smile. "Unlike some, I'm not a genius that can do my homework blindfolded." she laughed at Edward's slight mocking pout. "I'll eat later."

Despite her words, Bella's stomach gave a loud grumble and her face immediately flushed a delectable red.

Edward gave a light chuckle and kissed her forehead. "Really? Are you sure Bella dear? Your stomach doesn't seem to agree."

She scowled down at her stomach. "Even my own body is betraying me." then flushed even deeper red when her stomach gave another embarrassing grumble.

Edward picked her up from her desk and placed her on her bed without warning, then placed the tray of food in front of her.

"I will force feed you if it must be done." he gave her a devilish smirk that promised no escape.

Bella gave out an sheepish smile and nodded. "Yeah, sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. Thank you Edward." Then she gave a warm kiss to his cheek.

She was glad Edward was here and found his close attention to her diet ironically endearing. He was the one constant in her chaotic life and she could not help but feel lucky that someone was watching over her. She got comfortable on her quilt and placed the tray of her lap.

Feeling like he finally accomplished something Edward picked up a fork full of watermelon and let her eat it off the utensil.

She obediently ate and blushed a little more when a piece of fruit almost fell out of her mouth. She gave a mocking glare when Edward laughed at her clumsiness but continued to defiantly chew at her fruit. He found her red-faced embarrassment completely adorable if not delicious to watch and sighed when she continued to mocking glare at him.

"Sometimes I wonder if you'll starve yourself if someone wasn't here to remind you that you need food to live." he shook his head. "Your memory is not what it used to be is it Bella dear?" he joked.

Bella just glared at Edward's shameless prod at her increasing age. "If you're implying that I'm getting old than I would take a good look in the mirror." she stuck out her tongue playfully and continued eating.

She stopped for a while and looked over to Edward who was looking at her in question.

"Speaking of eating, you haven't hunted for a while now. Your eyes are too dark." Bella stated a little worried.

Edward almost chuckled at the thought of Bella being worried for him when it was her that needed to be worried over.

"Yes, everyone keeps reminding me."

She frowned a little. "Then why are you staying so long without feeding?"

"You don't want me here?" he asked with a smile.

"You know I love spending every moment with you, but you know what's priority and I would hate to know that you keep putting off hunting just because of me."

Edward sighed. "I wasn't comfortable with leaving you here on your own." he didn't even bother to lie to her.

Bella looked at him a little puzzled. "Why? You know I'll be okay; you've done it loads of times. Besides no one is trying to kill at the moment for once. So it should be all good."

"With your luck, you'll get attacked by a leaf." he retorted lightly. He sighed again and looked over to the small human girl. "I'm still worried for you though. You haven't...been yourself lately."

He saw the girl tense a little in surprise and then looked up to meet Edwards concerned gaze. She looked away a little guilty.

"I'm fine." She had hoped that Edward wouldn't pick up on anything.

"Yes you are fine...but _fine_ is not _good_."

"Well it isn't _bad_ either." she retorted stubbornly.

"I'd prefer if you were _great._"

"I _am_ great, I'm MARVOLOUS."

"You're stubborn." he added dryly

"You're dramatic."

"And you're beautiful."

Bella opened her mouth to sprout out another comment but blushed once she heard what he slyly added in. He gently lifted her chin with his cold fingers. "I'm just worried for you Bella."

Bella looked at the angelic marble face that seemed to ooze with worry and loving concern that she felt impeccably guilty that she was still trying to hide her problems from him. But it was exactly that reason why she would not tell him. At least not now.

For once she will not burden him with her petty problems. She will first try to fix it herself.

But looking at Edward's genuine concern for her almost made her resolve crumble but she forced the most reassuring smile and nodded.

"I'm fine, I'm just a little stressed lately that's all." she held Edwards hands in her own. "I promise that if I need help, you will be the first person I will come to. I'll be fine." she gave a light kiss the back of Edward's hand.

He looked at her for a moment with a pensive look and nodded his head in understanding.

"Alright, just remember I will always be here for you."

Bella gave him a soft kiss on his lips to convey her appreciation and nodded. "Of course."

Edward stayed with Bella for the rest of the afternoon as she continued with her school work. She managed to finish most and tried her best not to show an outward signs of worry. It would do no good to get Edward riled up again. Edward left when Charlie came back home and promised her that he would visit tomorrow.

While Bella was making a light dinner for both Charlie and herself the phone rang.

Only being a few strides away she went to pick it up but Charlie ducked under her and quickly picked it up before her. She was startled at her father's sudden movement and went back to the kitchen as Charlie began to talk in a low murmur. She didn't usually pry into who her father talked with but she couldn't help but feel the need to pay close attention to what he was saying.

Bella couldn't hear much though. Charlie was talking casually in his usual low gruff voice but he seemed to be very vague. Bella began to feel she was being a little too snoopy so she went back to chopping tomatoes but as she turned to continue she heard _Cullen_ slip from her father's mouth.

She momentarily stopped chopping from the unmistakable last name.

She didn't understand why Charlie would be talking about Edward's family. Was he discussing about them to someone else or actually talking _to_ a Cullen himself? She continued to cook and prepare dinner as Charlie went upstairs to change out of his uniform but her mind stayed on the odd event.

OOO

By the time Edward came back from Bella's house, he found Rosalie, Alice, Esme, Emmett and Jasper had come back from their hunting trip. Emmett was still talking about his race against Jazz, apparently both lost and it was Rosalie who had the most deer kills.

Alice bounded over to Edward as soon as she saw him and grinned.

"Well, you totally missed out this time."

Edward raised an eyebrow at the small woman. "Oh?"

"You know how rare it is to come across mountain lions right? Well, we totally stumbled onto a whole group of them; there were three full grown males and a lot of females. They don't usually gather together around these parts but they certainly gave us a good hunt! Although we left the pregnant lioness alone." she explained enthusiastically.

"I'm sure they proved to be good entertainment." Edward added. Alice's talk of lions and the hunt had begun to make Edward realise how hungry he was. He knew he would have to hunt pretty soon; there would no point holding back if there was nothing more to do for Bella. "You guys came back pretty quickly."

Alice nodded and sat on the high stool. "Yeah, like Emmett had mentioned earlier, there has been a boom in the population so there was plenty. Besides I had to come back quickly anyway."

"What for?"

Alice slide around to Edward's side and looped her arm around his. "Well I have to plan your birthday of course!"

Edward smiled at her enthusiasm for such a trivial thing. "But it's so far away, you have more than enough time to plan." he paused for a moment. "Please don't make it big by the way."

Alice frowned at the handicap proposal. "Maybe...but you'll have to at least let me give you a HUGE present!"

Edward laughed and agreed. He wondered sometimes how Alice could find so much enthusiasm for things he had long ago left behind. He liked tradition and celebration but never for himself, although he would always make an exception for Alice. She bounded off to where Jasper was talking to Emmett and lounged lazily across Emmett's legs.

Edward searched around for the one person he wanted to talk to.

OOO

Esme had found her husband in the sunroom which was now dimly lit by the rising moon light from the east.

She watched Carlisle looking pensive as he observed small blades of thin willow leaves flutter in through the open glass doors. He caught one absently and twirled it gently between his fingers, observing the yellow hue of the once green colour.

Outwardly Carlisle seemed contemplative but Esme knew her husband well and there was a change in the air around the blonde, his posture and eyes. He had his beautiful facade of ivory marble and warm honey but she read the subtle mood just as well as Jasper might have.

There was something undeniably _heavy_ about Carlisle tonight.

The motherly brunette gracefully strode toward the blonde doctor and immediately circled her arms around him, hoping that it would comfort him a little. Carlisle did not hesitate to hold the smaller woman back, collecting her into his arms.

"Welcome back my dear." he whispered with a loving smile in his eyes. "I was waiting for you."

Esme warmed at the endearing words that Carlisle always uttered to her every time she left him for any period of time. Always he waited for her and always he welcomed her back into his arms. She remained cradled into his warm chest she knew that Carlisle was not someone who would disappear - he was a constant, a pillar so unmovable and so loyally devoted to his family - her family.

This made Esme heart hurt knowing that Carlisle - despite all his love and compassion - was one to have suffered a great deal against fates cruel hands more than once. More than almost anyone in their family.

Sometimes she dearly wished that Carlisle would not be so selfless. He was someone Esme dearly loved and admired beyond words - his silent endurance was painful to watch.

"Carlisle? Would you tell me what's on your mind?" Esme asked as they both sat down on a bench.

"At the moment, it would be you. You are on my mind." he said with smile as he tucked her hair back.

Esme leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Oh? And what were you thinking of me? Nothing bad I hope."

"I was thinking that I missed you." he answered honestly.

Esme wrapped he fingers around Carlisle's hands and gave it a squeeze. "I missed you as well."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence and only the soft pattering of leaves falling over the glass roof could be heard. The two sat together with various different things on their minds but the days worries slowly fell away. The two parents had felt many times that they were similar in both ideals and responsibilities, both having the same people they wanted to love and protect. Esme felt many times that her fears and joys concerning her family were only matched by Carlisle's.

Perhaps it was this joint responsibility that they silently shared that made Esme felt the closest to her husband. But even with their many commonalities, many outcomes over the years ended differently for both of them. Some more permanent than others.

"I wanted to ask if you could forgive me." Carlisle's soft voice cut through their silence.

Esme moved to look at her husband a little startled. "Forgive you? Darling, whatever for?"

The blonde vampire lightly traced his fingers over Esme's palm, following the subtle lines on her ivory skin. "I sometimes imagine that I have caused you a great dishonor, one I will never be able to correct."

Esme only peered at Carlisle's face from the side and wondered what the man was thinking in that mind of his. She discerned the subtle worry lines creased in the brows and a soft sadness that he refused to show to anyone but her.

Esme's felt her chest tightened at the uncharacteristically tired look that seemed to have taken over Carlisle's usual clam and happy demeanor. She had a good guess to what he was referring to.

She gently turned Carlisle's face towards her so he could look at her.

"I have nothing to forgive you for because you have done nothing to earn that forgiveness. And you never will." she gave a loving smile. "There is no need."

Carlisle nodded. "I know." he appreciated her reassurance. "Sometimes I cannot understand how you tolerate so many things." he looked back at their joined hands.

Esme softly laughed. "Tolerate? Carlisle I never tolerated you. I love you and that is all I need."

"You deserve more Esme, so much more."

"Thank you Carlisle but I don't want more. You have given me more than I have ever wanted." she let all her gratitude show in her eyes for Carlisle who held her hand tighter.

"You have given me a family to call my own even after I had thought it to be impossible. You gave me a second life more _fulfilling_ and _beautiful_ than my previous one. I am now a mother of five lovely children whom I love with all my heart and soul, you have given me the chance to live my dream of motherhood which I felt was torn from me the day my baby died. You have given me everything Carlisle and I will not _tolerate_ you running a mile with misguided guilt."

Carlisle remained quiet for a few shirt seconds till a warm smile appeared on his lips. "I had thought you would say that."

Esme saw the never ending gratitude flowing from his smile and warmed when Carlisle reached down to give a tender kiss. "Thank you my dear."

Esme's small laugh chimed through the room like silver bells. "Whatever for?"

Carlisle gave another kiss to her forehead. "For your warmth and your patience. You're too good for me."

"I wholly agree." she mocked.

"Esme, promise me you will tell me if I ever begin to impose too much on you. I want you to tell me because I cannot bear the idea of causing any unjust towards you."

The smaller woman sometimes wondered how utterly unnecessary Carlisle's concern was for her. She didn't understand how Carlisle was so oblivious to the sheer amount of emotional wealth and happiness he had provided for her. He was an unending well of compassion and love that seemed endless and utterly devoid of prejudice.

Esme knew her acceptance would be the only thing that would appease him. "Of course."

After a moment of silence Esme turned to look back at the beautiful profile of her husband. She sighed knowing this very _rare_ mood Carlisle had seemed to slump into when she had left.

"I had suspected you were not feeling well." she said softly.

Carlisle turned to her in question.

"You seem..." she continued. "Tired. More so than you have been for a long time."

"Do I?" he asked lightly.

"You have always been my confidante and I have always been yours. You can always tell me anything Carlisle."

Carlisle gave a thankful expression and nodded. "Of course." he turned to look back out the glass walls showing no sign of breaching the topic Esme knew was plaguing her husband.

Oh, how she wished she could ease his distress. But it seemed Carlisle had put himself up for doing it alone.

OOO

Edward had followed the scent of where he suspected Carlisle was.

He felt that there were things he wanted to discuss to his father about. He felt Carlisle was the best person to ask for advice and even more so since they had been spending more time together, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

As he got closer to the back room he could hear two people talking and recognized them as Carlisle's and Esme's.

He peered into the room and observed Esme leaning against Carlisle's shoulder while the blonde doctor gently held her hand, stroking his thumb against her palm. The bodies shifted together whenever the other moved.

Feeling perhaps he was now intruding on a personal moment between his parents, Edward turned to leave and seek out Carlisle later. However as he turned, he heard his name being whispered in the mind of his mothers.

Edward had always had a hard time blocking the thoughts of people that involved him. The tone that he heard Esme utter was what really caught his attention. She sounded so concerned that he wondered what about he had concerned her. After all he was perfectly fine and there was nothing for his mother to worry about.

_"Oh, how I wish I could help you Carlisle..."_

For a second, Edward though he had heard wrong but Esme's mind continued to strain through her imploring thoughts.

_"I wonder what it would take to bring him happiness once more...no...I _know_ what would...but he has become so unreachable so solitary in his pain that he wished no one to see... all for the happiness of us..."_

Esme's hand visibly clutched onto the doctor's hand who was oblivious to her inner turmoil.

_"Oh my dear..." _Esme's mind's voice was now barely a whisper. _"I don't think I can watch for much longer...I cannot watch you fall apart."_

Edward never liked it when his delicate and loving mother was ever in any form of pain or distress so Edward found it unbearably hard to not stride over and try to comfort her. Esme so loved and warm who worried for everyone but remained an unmovable pillar of emotional strength. She remained the _heart_ of the family while Carlisle was the _soul_.

So Edward's confusion and worry doubled from the psychic assault to his mind that seemed to hint confusing worries.

And Carlisle. What was wrong with Carlisle to have evoked such strong sadness from his mother? He had been sure that Carlisle had been the same calm and happy self as he has always been. Spending time with him for the past couple days had been wonderful and enjoyable for both of them, Edward liked to believe. Yet Esme's thoughts and emotion was so palpable that they seeped deep into Edward's skin and lodged a new seed of concern in the back of his head.

Now Edward was trying to drudge up any signs indicating any kind ailment from both his parents that he could remember.

Edward wasn't reassured when he came up with nothing.

Now he found himself actually concentrating on reading their minds deliberately. Edward always respected everyone's privacy but this time he could not pass the chance to gain more insight.

Esme's thoughts had silenced but still retained a slow sort of heaviness that was accompanied by her inevitable acceptance of...Edward didn't even know what.

Carlisle's on the other hand was switching from small self-contemplations to his patients in the hospital. All of the blonde vampires thought were very vague and fast, making it hard to read him. Edward frowned a little at the difficultly he had been having with seeing into Carlisle's mind recently. His father's thought had been oddly silent and vague of late.

Deciding that he had snooped enough he made his presence known which he was greeted with warms smile from both Esme and Carlisle. This made Edward feel guilty at his attempt to invade their mental privacy.

Esme showed no sign at all about her concerns and Edward had been momentarily impressed at how well she kept it from showing. She hugged him and then left both Carlisle and Edward alone.

Carlisle asked Edward to take a seat next to him and asked if there was something he had wanted to talk about.

Edward was almost going to ask is there was something wrong right them and there but quickly refrained from asking.

Edward and Carlisle discussed a few topics concerning Bella and the small things Edward had taken from her most recent behavior. Carlisle listened and advised patiently with respectful curiosity and understanding but nothing more. Edward had watched the doctor closely the whole way through to see any indication to what Esme had clued him into. But Carlisle had acted perfectly normal. There wasn't a single indication that supported Esme's concerns.

Although that did not diminish Edward's caution. He knew how well vampires could hide behind facades and perfectly constructed mask - although the notion seemed almost impossible for someone like Carlisle whom everyone trusted due to his honest persona.

After half an hour of being in the man's presence, Edward had pretty much dismissed all together and continued talking with his father.

Meanwhile Esme was watching from afar.

She could see a change in Carlisle's body posture which seemed tensed but also incredibly relaxed with contentment as he sat next to Edward. She could read to subtle shifts mood in her husband and knew that Carlisle body seemed to gravitate toward the dark haired teenager but there was undeniable restraint and hesitance in every move of his muscle.

She sighed as she watched the two men she loved the most and wondered how unfair fate could be to people she knew to be so kind. She knew that she could no longer watch Carlisle slowly fade into a fake contentment as he lied to himself. This time she would do something about it.

She supposed that was why she had deliberately let Edward hear her thoughts.

She needed to let Edward become aware of at least _something_, so maybe then, Esme dared to hope a little.

* * *

**A/N:** Sneaky Bee Esme. I guess it must be hard for her to watch her husband go through it all so silently.

I always found Esme to be a beautiful and lovely character.  
Even though this story focuses on Carlisle being in love with Edward, I will not ignore the connection between Esme and Carlisle. Both hold very similar sentiments and hold responsibilities together - if they were not lovers, they would be each other confidante.

I found writing Bella to be very difficult so please tell me if she seemed out of character, the same about Esme.

I would always love to hear your opinions.  
Thanx for reading.

Until next time.

CADEL


	7. Chapter 7

NOTE: I've finished my exams. I cannot express the elation I feel right now.

Writing this chapter took very long and I kept getting new ideas and things to add so it was pretty lengthy process.

* * *

CHAPTER 7

* * *

The decision to live in a place like Forks was due to all the advantages that came with residing in such a community that was so small and _rainy_. The humans here didn't pry too much into other people's business but perhaps the one down side of living in place so small was that everyone knew _everyone. _When Carlisle had first started his job in the hospital, all the female doctors and nurses could hardly do their jobs. Carlisle was not oblivious to why. It was his very nature to be beautiful in every way to attract his prey, to lead them into false sense of protection and trust. The doctor was more than relieved that most of the nurses began to familiarize and come accustom to the beautiful man till they could finally focus on their jobs.

His female colleagues may have gotten _mildly_ use to his presence but the new nurse had not. Carlisle nodded politely at their newest arrival as she continued to flirt with the blonde doctor, batting her doe-eyed lashed at him in an attempt to seduce him.

The nurse was from the city and she was hardly happy to be stuck in a dreary, small town that she'd never heard of but accepted the job due to the pay. Of course her negative outlook on Forks changed as soon as she laid eyes on the beautiful blonde doctor with perfect marble skin and teeth. Her reaction was like many others but she seemed to carry a bit more _enthusiasm_ than her reserved Forks workers.

The blonde doctor couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed by her hoity-toity behavior. He had become quite accustomed to the more reserved mannerism of the people of Forks; he hoped she would find someone else to fawn over soon. Carlisle nodded at her questions and ignored her attempts to woo the doctor with a polite smile then a subtle dismissal.

After his subtle escape, Carlisle went through his usual rounds of patients as he checked up on their health and assisted with medication.

One particular patient was waiting for the blonde doctor to show up for their daily meeting.

"Maria." Carlisle greeted warmly as he checked her medication. "How are you feeling today?"

The elderly woman smiled serenely at the blonde man. "Oh, I'm fine Dr. Cullen."

"That's good to hear. I hope everything has been comfortable for you? I wish to apologize for last week, with your medication mix up."

The white haired woman shook her head. "No, no it's fine doctor. Don't worry about last week, it's a busy hospital and things are bound to go wrong sometimes." she smiled sweetly as her eyes wrinkled up. "Besides why would I worry when the famous Dr. Cullen is caring for my every need?"

Carlisle gave a chiming laugh. "I am always glad to be of assistance."

"I was wondering when you would arrive, you didn't show up yesterday so I was worried you had become sick." she old woman asked with a hint of worry in her aged eyes.

"I apologize; I had some personal matters to attend to."

The women sat up straighter in her bed as Carlisle fluffed her pillows behind her back. After her sheets were tended to, she asked, "How is your family doctor? I hope they're well?"

"They're doing very well. My children have almost finished school and my wife and I had our anniversary recently." Carlisle answered with a gentle smile as he continued to check up on her vitals.

"Your anniversary, how wonderful!" Maria beamed. "How long have you been together now?"

"It's been eight years now." Carlisle lied smoothly. Maria did not know that he had been married far longer than the old woman had been alive.

"Wow, you must have married young!" she beamed with a romantic twinkled in her eyes. "I remember you told me her name once...Esme was it?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, I'm glad you remember."

Maria suffered from dementia and had been in Carlisle's care for a couple of months. Her family had put her in an elderly home but she had to be transferred to the hospital due to her weak heart condition. Maria was eighty-three years old and still lucid enough to humor Carlisle and entertain herself without much need for nurses. Despite suffering from mild dementia, the woman had long periods of lucidity and was hardly senile at all. If it not been for her poor heart, Maria would not be in the hospital at all.

Carlisle greatly admired her strength and austerity. When Maria was fully aware, she was endearingly sweet and also very sharp. The old woman would always greet her neighbors and doctors with a gentle smile, despite how much he knew Maria missed her family, which did not visit her as often as Carlisle wished they did. He visited Maria every time he had a shift and would try to see her, despite his busy schedule. He would pretend he had to check up on her vitals and progress but both Carlisle and Maria knew that he visited her because he considered Maria his friend.

Despite looking physically youthful and no older than twenty-five, Carlisle knew what it was like to be _old._

He had lived through a good three-hundred years and sometimes old souls attract one another due to their need for company. Although compared to the blonde vampire, Maria was a child but it was worth chasing after good company. Carlisle could see Maria was lonely, a kind of _loneliness_ that seems to come with old age, something which Carlisle understood all too well. So the blonde doctor would try to guard off those restless feelings for Maria and provide companionship for the jovial, old lady.

"Esme..." Maria seemed to squint adorably as she tried to remember. "Ah yes, I had a friend called Esme once. Her full name was Esmeralda and I remember she could dance for hours on end with her small feet when we were children." she smiled at the memory of her friend. "I wonder what happened to her. Hmm...I never looked for her after the Vietnam War." Carlisle listened to her musing till Maria looked back at Carlisle again. "You must love her very much."

"I do." Carlisle admitted, sitting gently at the end of her bed.

Maria tilted her head with a pensive smile.

"How lovely it must be, to be in love. I barely remember how it feels, it was so long ago." mused Maria. She looked back at Carlisle with a curious expression that looked oddly childish in her soft face. "Would you tell me what it feels like?"

Carlisle blinked. "What love feels like?"

Maria nodded. "Yes." she looked down at her wrinkled hands. "I can't seem to remember."

Carlisle watched Maria with compassionate eyes. Maria always had a tendency to ask many things...and most of her questions were curious observations or pensive thoughts that usually help jog her memory. Carlisle always patiently answered all her questions to the best of his abilities.

He gently held her soft hands in his own. It must have felt unusually cold but she did not mention it.

Carlisle thought for a moment then spoke.

"Love feels...warm." he started as he thought it over. "I think that would the most brief way to describe it. It is a kind of warmth that gives you a content feeling that reaches into the very marrow of your bones. Although just stating it feels _warm_ is not very accurate because it also has a very _hot _nature to it as well." Carlisle smiled down at the white-haired woman. "Does it sound familiar to you?"

Maria did not answer but seemed to mull it over with a curious expression. She urged Carlisle to go on. The doctor momentarily paused, not sure on how to explain it.

"There is an obsessive quality to it, addictive in a sense. Your most significant other becomes the center of which you gravitate, they make you feel _complete._ I have heard many express an aching to be close to their loved ones as they have a physical effect on each other, this being an result of two souls being completely in _sync_. I imagine that must be an extraordinary experience to have." Carlisle commented. Maria continued to listen.

"To love is like _breathing_, it is just as _instinctual_ and necessary. You can try to hold your breath and push it away but eventually your lungs will tighten in protest, till every fiber in you being is urging you to breathe again. So being in love feels unstoppable, stubborn and potently instinctual. I can imagine...it must be near impossible to stop."

The doctor turned to smile at Maria.

"A friend once told me love is like a cup of hot coffee. It smells aromatic, enticing and tempting to taste. When you hold it in your hands, it's warm to the touch. But take a sip and you will find it is bitter." he paused for a moment, and then began again. "Perhaps it makes sense that there is always a hidden thorn on something that is so beautiful, yes? But being in love makes you embrace both the good and bad. I suppose that is also why they say lovers are fools. They willingly embrace both pleasure and pain that comes with the gamble." the blonde man explained gently.

Maria stared at the doctor's pensive smile and noted the wistful tone in his voice. "Then...are you a fool as well Dr. Cullen?"

Carlisle looked up then chuckled lightly.

"I suppose I am." Carlisle couldn't help but note how much that statement seemed to ring true for him.

He let go of Maria's hand but pulled her blankets comfortably around her.

"I will be honest. I don't know how to describe how being in love feels. Over the years I have come to realize that it feels uniquely different to the individual. And also there are many degrees and level of love you can have for a person. Sometimes they become so mixed and vague that it just becomes confusing."

Carlisle looked at Maria who stared right back at the young doctor who seemed far too wise for his youthful face.

"I cannot say it is easy. Despite all its warmth, excitement, and giddy elation that accompanies such a phenomenon...once you lose it, it doesn't give you back what it has taken. Love is a game of gamble, but instead of gambling money or worldly possessions...you gamble something else, something precious that cannot be taken back."

Carlisle paused to think. "Scores of songs and ballads have immortalized the phenomenon of falling in love. But I wonder...is it worth it?"

Maria watched the beautiful young doctor become silent in his own thought. "Yes. I think it is worth it." she stated finally. "I could hardly imagine a life without love...but then again, I've been a hopeless romantic for over half a century."

Carlisle turned to consider her statement and then the blonde vampire nodded in agreement then chuckled lightly. "I too am a bit of a romantic and you're right, I cannot imagine life without it."

Maria smiled. "It's seemed to have worked well for you! Married with children and you are so clearly loyal and family orientated. I can tell that much from just looking at you." she added jovially.

Carlisle noted that he _was_ indeed lucky to have such a loving family with such close bonds. It was even more amazing due to the fact that he was a _vampire_, and for their kind, creating such a stable and healthy family was a miracle on its own. Such sense of purpose and happiness did not come easily for his species so Carlisle would forever be grateful for his fortunes.

He realised that melancholia began to lace his insides while he had been explaining. Carlisle couldn't help but feel guilty at Maria praise for him.

She was assuming he had spoken about love with the eviction that it was towards his wife. And - in a sense - it was. But Carlisle knew that he had only ever truly been in love with one person...and that experience alone was something of a double edged sword.

After all, he could not hate his love for Edward. That was near impossible. Lovers are fools, as he quoted before and Carlisle believed himself a great fool to be in love with someone so unattainable. But was it ever a choice? Did Carlisle ever get a say in whether he loved Edward or not - his first turn, his first adoptive son and his first companion? If he did, would he have chosen not to be in love to the brash, temperamental and fiercely loyal man?

It was all too clear that he did not know the answer, nor did he want to know.

Carlisle rarely ever allowed such thoughts to linger, simply because they would amount to nothing in the end. His feelings were his to keep.

There were to be never shared, to be never seen or expressed.

Maria asked what it felt like to be in love but the blonde vampire knew he was the last person to be asked this question. He would have no way of truly knowing. It seemed everyone else could at least _try_ to ask for a first date or have the opportunity to _confess _and _pursue_ to their hearts content. They could chase and flirt with the object of their affections and they could follow what their hearts told them with the knowledge of the risk of rejection and even heartbreak.

But Carlisle was not even privileged to that.

OOO

Carlisle finished his shift a couple hours later and found himself waiting in the main foyer, busying himself with a copy of the morning newspaper.

It had been raining all day as he worked inside but the sun decided to make an unexpected appearance when he was leaving the hospital. Not wanting to risk exposure Carlisle had to wait inside till clouds came back.

The blond vampire flipped through the article at a leisurely, human pace as he read through the paper. While flicking through, something caught the vampire's eyes at the bottom of the advertisement page.

A small nostalgic smile touched on the doctor's lips as he read through the advertisement and couldn't help but chuckle at his luck. He quickly memorised the number and web address before exiting to the parking lot when the sun hid itself behind the rain clouds once more. He quickly started the engine and began driving back home whilst still smiling.

He had found the perfect birthday gift for Edward.

OOO

Edward spent the last hour negotiating with Bella at whether she should stay with the Cullens while he went to hunt. Of course the girl was more than adamant to protest at his Mother-Henning and insisted that she could manage a few days without his supervision. Edward was not so sure, at least not with her track record of being a magnet for trouble. In the end he managed to work something out for the accident prone girl that made him feel mildly better with leaving her on her own.

Edward went back home to pack for hunting which he was hoping would be done in a few days. Edward existed out of his room and went downstairs. As he passed by the lounge room he spotted Carlisle reclined near the window with a book in his hands, turning the pages at a leisurely rate.

Dropping his pack in the kitchen and approached his father and sat down as Carlisle looked up and gave him an inviting smile. "I see you've packed."

"Yeah, I'll be leaving in a couple of minutes." Edward answered.

"That's good; I was wondering how long you would put it off. I assume Bella forced you to go." Carlisle added in good humor.

Edward chuckled. "She practically kicked me out saying that I had to go feed or she wouldn't talk me."

"Smart girl."

The younger just gave a mocking roll of his eyes. "Well, I was going to hunt soon anyway. I figured there wouldn't be much I could do and she seems to be fine now at least so I'll just have to hope she sorts it out. Until then she insisted I go. 'Hungry men are grumpy men'. Her words, not mine."

Carlisle gave an amused chuckle. "In your case you'll be growling at every leaf that dares to fall in her hair. Dear me, I can only imagine the horror you'll unleash on those poor trees."

Edward just gave the blonde man a dry look at the comment. "I don't think the years have been very kind to you. You've grown far too sarcastic."

"I blame television." Carlisle retorted smoothly.

"You don't watch television."

"Maybe I do." the blonde man added slyly.

"You're over three-hundred years old, you're hardly impressionable." Edward answered.

Carlisle laughed. "Perhaps you are right. But you and your siblings have already had great influences on me. Emmett has gotten me quite interested in those Guinness World Records Volumes and Rose has revealed to me the wonders of concealer and the strange assortments of thing you can achieve with a single eye-lash curler."

Edward stared for a moment. "_Eye-lash curler_?" he couldn't help but wonder how such a strange statement introduced itself in their conversation. Carlisle just laughed at his baffled expression.

"Never too old to learn new tricks." he surmised.

Edward just shook his head and reminded himself to precede with caution around his sister. "I've negotiated that Bella doesn't have to stay here the whole time but she's agreed to go shopping with Alice on a frequent bases while I'm gone." Edward explained.

"Would you like me to keep a close eye on her? To see if there is any change in her moods or demeanor?" Carlisle offered.

Edward smiled thankfully. "I was going to ask you if you could."

"Of course I will." the older agreed. "I'll keep a closer watch on her if it makes you feel better, but I truly wouldn't worry too much Edward. She'll be fine and if she does have a problem of any kind that she _knows_ she can't handle, she will tell you." Carlisle gave his son a reassuring smile. "But for now, you must focus on yourself. You'll be no help to her if you continue to persist on starving yourself."

Edward nodded but he was still seemed to have his mind somewhere else. Carlisle sighed a little.

He admired the younger man's protectiveness but sometimes it caused concern for the doctor. "You know, you act more like an fussy old man as the days go by." he teased, trying to break Edward out of his pensive mood.

The dark haired man smiled. "I am an old man."

"Then I must be nothing more than dust." Carlisle added.

Edward found it hard to associate old age with Carlisle regardless of seniority. The blonde man was far more open-minded and youthful in his outlook of the world than himself or any other vampire he knew. He was a true optimist and always strived to see the glimmering jewel within even the darkest niches, whilst remaining every bit rational and realistic.

But there was always an undeniable air of wisdom and never ending patience that exuded from Carlisle like a second skin. His honey eyes were constantly warm with a pureness that looked strangely naïve for someone so old. His longevity truly showed in his actions which remained unbiased, wise and constantly pure whilst holding undisputable intelligence and wit. Together making a cocktail so unique and precious like no other - was Carlisle.

Many times Edward looked upon Carlisle like he was the epitome of what _good_ could be. What _he _could be.

Despite many years of evaluating, Edward still considered vampires as dark creatures, damned to exist through the death of others no matter how pure ones heart tried to be. It was simply their nature. _His_ nature. Oddly he never associated such thoughts about Carlisle.

Carlisle was in his own league. He was in a place where Edward could hope to be and he wished to make his father proud by achieving that level of restraint, that level of wisdom. After Edward's brief moment of rebellion, all the young man could see ahead of him was a dull routine of barely sated feeding of animal blood and then more restraint that almost broke him for a second time.

How Edward had managed to arrive here with his sense of humanity attached was Carlisle's ability to instill hope and compassion into every member of their small coven. His kindness was every bit as infectious as a disease that was injected directly into their hearts.

"If you are dust, then I imagine it can't be too bad." Edward added quietly as he watched Carlisle run his fingers leisurely up and down the spine of his book.

The blonde man stared at Edward quietly not sure of what he meant.

Seeming to read his mind, Edward answered. "You're very wise is what I mean. The years seem to only serve to keep fueling your compassion for life while most would damn this never ending existence." he gave his father a soft look. "I know that I am guilty of such sentiments."

Carlisle's chest tightened in understanding. Edward was always the one to question, while it was not a bad thing; he always did it with self-loathing. It was something that Carlisle had noticed from very early on. Everyone else in their family seemed to find peace with their vampire existence despite their own personal adversities in regards to their immortality, but Edward always struggled. He still did even a hundred-years later.

Carlisle looked at the younger man with calm eyes. "If anyone had the right to damn this existence, it would be us. You do not need to feel like you must love it."

"I know but...sometimes I find myself feeling guilty for existing." Edward added softly. "But feeling even that makes me _guiltier_ because it is an indirect insult to you, for the gift you gave to me."

The younger watched his father's eyes soften at the admittance. As usual, Edward found no accusation in his father thoughts. "You've never damned yourself; always so sure of who you are...I only hope that I can be that certain one day."

He heard the blonde chuckle softly. "Oh but I did damn myself."

Edward looked up in question and his father gave a small smile.

"At the beginning, when I first turned, I was quite wretched. I did not want to be like this, it went against everything I had been raised with, all my father taught me about the evil of our species, I had become in a mere few days. I damned myself for what I had become." Carlisle continued. "I know you know my story; you've heard and _seen_ it in my head. But after I had lost faith in trying to do the '_right thing'_ by trying to killing myself, I found an alternative...a silver-lining and all of the sudden I saw that there was still hope."

Edward watched his father turn his gaze out the window to look up at the grey sky.

"In a few minutes where will you go?"

Edward paused at the sudden question but answered. "Hunting."

Carlisle nodded. "And what are you hunting?"

"Animals."

Carlisle turned back to look at Edward with his calm smile. "Why not a human?"

Edward paused for a moment at the sudden question. Of course he wouldn't hunt a human. It didn't even need to be said. It was not what they did; it was not what _he_ did. Carlisle didn't wait for the younger to answer.

"It is your decision to _choose_ animal blood instead of human, is it not?" Edward just nodded at the question and the blonde continued. "I have influenced your life a great deal, I know. My choice to choose this diet was mine alone and I had never forced anyone to follow my principles. From the very moment I turned you into what you are now, I silently gave you permission to reject my way of life. Even now you can choose to hunt a human when you leave today. You have every opportunity to, no one will stop you."

Carlisle gave his son a knowing look. "Or do you only do it because you don't want to disappoint me?"

Edward glanced at his father at the verbalization of his own thoughts. "I have never wanted to disappoint you. I feel I had done exactly that when I rebelled the first time, then I _had_ chosen. And I chose to leave, I chose to hunt humans but...you already know why I had come back."

Carlisle smiled at the expected answer. "Yes I know. I've never doubted you." he placed the book on the window sill. "Edward, you can damn yourself, you can loath your existence but in the end of the day you are _here_ and you have all the opportunities in the world. I made a split second decision that day when I drank blood for the first time and made it my goal to live as pure as I could possibly be. Just like the way you made your choice when you first smelt Bella's blood and did not kill her. Even now you chose to love her against all odds, despite how difficult it must be to be in her very presence."

_How difficult it is to be in _your _presence._ Carlisle thought silently.

"Your choices make up who you are." _And you made your choice. As did I._

"I have seen you _protect_ and _love_ so fiercely for the ones you hold dear to you. You have so much _humanity_ for someone so intent on calling himself a monster." Carlisle took Edwards hand and gave a comforting squeeze. "I am proud of you Edward. I always have been and always will be no matter what you do."

Edward remained silent in his own thoughts for a few seconds until he stared back up into pools of honey.

It had been a startling long time since Edward had come to Carlisle for advice, even the ones he unintentionally sought out. He didn't know how their conversation turned from eye-lash curler to this, but he had never been more grateful to have a man like Carlisle by his side.

On an impulse, Edward lifted Carlisle's hand which was still clutching his own and lightly kissed the back of his hand.

Completely missing the surprised look on the blonde's face he smiled and said, "Thank you." And he genuinely was very thankful. One conversation with Carlisle and Edward was already feeling far better than he had in weeks. Not to mention that the ever persistent doubt in the back of his mind had receded to just a small nudge.

His father watched him silently for a moment then nodded with a warm smile. _"You're welcome." _ he thought.

They both fell into a comfortable silence till Edward sat up to leave for hunting, but just before he left Carlisle quickly snatched his hand. The younger stopped and looked back Carlisle.

"Will you be free in two weeks' time from now?" the doctor asked suddenly.

Edward frowned for a moment in confusion but answered. "I'm not sure, I think so."

Carlisle gave a delighted look. "If you could, would you be able to keep it free?"

"Sure, what's this about?" he asked still curious with the request.

"I hadn't been too sure what to get you for your birthday but I think I found something that you might like." he answered.

"You really don't have to get me anything Carlisle. I have one every year," he smiled. "and I probably will for many years to come, not to mention the gifts from everyone else which I'm sure Alice will make a huge deal out of."

"I know but I want to, besides this gift will bring back memories I'm sure you're bound to recognize." Carlisle added with a humored tone.

Edward's interest was already piqued and he nodded with a grin. "Alright, I'll remember."

Feeling a little better than he did an hour ago, Edward was ready to leave for a couple of days without worrying too much. Carlisle was right; he didn't have anything to worry about while he knew Bella was near his family. They would always protect her in his stead when he wasn't there. He wasn't sure why had been feeling a little off but the blonde doctor's words also brought a reassuring feeling which he didn't realised he had needed.

Just before he jumped out the window the dark haired vampire realised that he had left the pack in the kitchen. Silently berating himself for forgetting, he quickly made his way back to retrieve the bag.

He was headed back out for the second time with his pack swung over his shoulder when he silently passed the lounge room. But when he peered in to look he stopped dead in his tracks.

Carlisle was still sitting where he had left him with the book open on his lap; his head resting against the glass with his eyes were closed. The scene looked deceptively calm and the dim daylight washed the room in soothing tones fit for the mood. But what made Edward stop was Carlisle's face.

There was no smile, no calmness and no silent compassion exuding from his skin or anything that Edward actively recognized as _Carlisle_.

He looked at the closed lids that hid warm gold eyes from him, lashes shut tightly with a strange sort of frown marring the older man's brow. His lips were not smiling or frowning either but were set in a straight line. They were shut, as if he was trying not to let anything out, as if he was forcing himself to stay silent.

His posture leaned limply against the cold window as if the glass was the only thing that was keeping the man from falling into a graceless heap. His slender fingers clutched onto the book on his lap so hard that Edward could visibly see the back cover had ripped and the paper dented under the pressure of his fingers.

Slowly those same fingers brushed away golden locks hanging in his face and swept them back with a sigh that was barely audible. Carlisle pushed off the glass and leaned over his book till his forehead was resting on his left arm which was hanging limply off the arm rest, his face now covered by his sleeve could not be seen anymore.

The book in his lap had fallen to the floor as he moved but Carlisle did not pick it up. It remained mangled on the ground.

Edward stood silently peering through the gap in the doorway in stunned silence. Never had he seen his calm, confident and kind father look so completely dejected and graceless. If had to describe it, Carlisle looked tired. Tired in more ways than one, in more ways than Edward could understand.

There was something not right here. There was something wrong with Carlisle.

Edward felt a wave of worry that terrified him; he didn't know what was wrong or what he could do. It was always Edward with the issues, or Emmett that needed berating or Rosalie that needed to be kept in line. It was always someone else that needed to be soothed or looked after or supervised.

But it was never Carlisle. He didn't have problems.

Immediately after thinking that, Edward knew that was an incredibly stupid thing to assume. Everybody had issues and that meant Carlisle as well, but if he did, he's never shown it.

A cold sensation slowly washed over him as he realised that if something was indeed wrong with his father than this could have been occurring for a long time. The only reason Edward was even suspecting anything was because he had accidently stumbled on to it just now.

No...That wasn't true. He abruptly remember Esme's thoughts from the day she had come back. Did he not hear her stating exactly what he was seeing now? Did he not already know of her imploring thoughts? Then why on earth had Edward notice only now?

Without hesitating Edward focused on reading Carlisle's mind ignoring the guilt of invading his privacy. The teen focused for a full minute but heard nothing from the blonde man's mind. Carlisle was completely silent.

He tried again but now with a little frustration. He hated not being able to gain access when he needed to and after the second time all Edward was meet with was silence.

Was Carlisle blocking him? He knew that his father was pretty well practiced with keeping mental barriers but he can't have possibly blocked _everything _out. Feeling the frustration similar to when he first met Bella fueled him to try again but it resulted in the same muted silence.

Feeling distinctly horrified with himself combined with sickening worry, Edward was about to ask Carlisle what was wrong himself. But before he took another step, Carlisle shifted from his semi-sprawled position and slowly sat back up.

Edward looked him over to discern his mood and then he looked at the no longer familiar face to see if he could discover anything there. When he did looked at Carlisle's face he looked...

Completely normal.

His expression was calm and relaxed with a hint of thoughtfulness that was always present. His lips were closed but no longer held in a taut line and his brow didn't leave a single trace of his previous tension. His posture was poised and graceful as he bent down and picked up the fallen book. Completely ignoring that abused cover, he gently closed it shut and with one hand and gracefully stood up.

Without so much of a trace of his previous mood, Edward watched his father tuck the book under his arm and walk out the threshold on the other side of the room.

He stood there convincing himself that he did not imagine it. The sudden change in Carlisle's demeanor was sudden and distrubed him how abruptly it was covered. Had he not seen it, he would not even think twice about it and assumed he saw nothing at all.

Edward wasn't sure how long he stood there in utter confusion but when he finally moved, he left the house with a new seed of worry blooming in his chest.

* * *

**A/N: **Edward has gone to hunt but I didn't let him leave completely oblivious. Now the dude knows somethings up with Carlisle. 'Bout time.

Maria is just a foil character which I hope will come in handy later on. Always happy to hear your thoughts ^^

Keep it Real

CADEL


	8. Chapter 8

NOTE: Seeing as Edward has gone hunting, unfortunately he will not be in this chapter or the next one. But I hope you like it anyway.

Enjoy.

* * *

CHAPTER 8

* * *

"Stay still Bella, you're gonna make me spill everything." Alice chided.

The young Bella Swan was reclined on the sofa in the Cullen rumpus room while Alice delicately painted nail polish onto Bella's toes with a kind of concentration that was almost frightening.

Bella was currently squirming from the ticklish sensation of Alice's cold fingers touching her toes and couldn't help but fidget to Alice's dismay.

She was also trying her best to push away her embarrassment from having her bare feet forcefully elevated over Emmett's lap. The big man was oblivious the girl's discomfort and flicked through the sports magazine with one hand while he held out the nail polish bottle for Alice with the other.

Alice mumbled to herself about how lovely coral-peach looked with her skin and continued to dip the small brush back into its bottle.

"There, done!" she exclaimed as she looked at her handiwork. "Now don't move your feet until they've completely dried."

Bella just nodded as she watched the small vampire bounce to her feet and started to rummage through the shopping bags. "I think your new blue dress will go perfectly with the nail colour...hmmm, although I do think you'll need something else to complement It." she suddenly snapped her fingers at a sudden realisation. "I know! Hang on, I'll be right back." Alice bolted upstairs leaving a blank Bella behind.

Just as Bella was about to shift her feet, Rosalie walked into the room with a couple of bags in her hands. She saw Bella sitting on the sofa with her legs thrown across Emmett and gave the human girl a scowl before completely ignoring her and walking upstairs.

It seemed that Rosalie still didn't like Bella's presence despite her softening after Edward's attempted suicide. Her leniency towards Bella was probably due to guilt than actual acceptance of the human girl.

Bella wondered if she will ever come to accept her, even after she turns into one of them. It seemed that her very existence was mocking and insulting Rosalie as Bella was giving up her humanity - the one thing blonde bombshell envied her for.

"She doesn't hate you." said Emmett suddenly as if reading her mind.

His voice caught her off guard and she was surprised he was talking to her about it so openly.

"Maybe not but it sure feels like it." Bella replied a little pensive.

Emmett chuckled. "Nah, Rose is like that with everyone, she'll come around, you'll see."

"I hope so...do you think there's anything I could do to speed things up a little." Bella asked half-heartedly.

"Hmm...Probably." Bella looked up at him expectedly. "If you chose to not turn into a vampire, she'll probably like ya more."

Bella's shoulders dropped. "Oh."

Emmett gave a gentle tickle to Bells feet. "Lighten up Bells, Rose can't have everything. Besides I can't wait until you become one of us!" he added enthusiastically. "You and I will have to wrestle! We'll see who's stronger!"

Feeling better Bella gave a soft laugh. "You're on."

Emmett winked at her. "I'll keep you to it."

Alice suddenly appeared in front of them while holding out a pure-white bolero made of delicate lacing.

"Tada! I bought this a couple of week ago but I realised it didn't compliment me at all, so you can have it!"

Bella stared at it while Alice pulled out the blue strapless dress from the bag and draped the bolero on top to see for herself. "Yup, this one's a keeper. Now time to try it on!"

Bella shook her head. "No way."

"Why not? I wanna see it on you." Alice whined.

"...well at least not now."

"Please." she pouted.

Bella adamantly refused to try on anymore clothes. Alice finally sighed. "Alright but you'll have to show when you _do _wear it."

"Alright but I doubt I will, I don't have anywhere I can wear it to and I don't think I'll be going anywhere fancy anytime soon."

Alice just gave a sly knowing look and shrugged. "Oh, you never know."

Bella gave a suspicious look towards the small vampire but Alice just picked up the bags and winked at her as if she knew something that Bella didn't...which was probably likely.

Bella tried to get off the sofa but her legs remained pinned under Emmett's arm. He didn't seem to take notice of the glare shot at him as she tried to dislodge herself from Emmett. She wanted her embarrassingly bare feet away from him while keeping at much dignity as possible.

After struggling and falling off the sofa from Emmett's sudden release of her feet, he laughed at her while she whacked him over the head with his magazine and walked bare foot into the kitchen.

Bella hadn't realised that Rosalie was sitting by the kitchen island, her poised body arched over the counter while reading some kind of pamphlet.

Bella froze for a moment, unsure of what to do under Rosalie's cold stare. The beautiful blonde gracefully stood up from her kitchen stool and with one indifferent stare, she brushed past Bella as if she was an insignificant speck of dust waiting to be swept away.

Bella watched as the blonde vampire disappeared into the rumpus room and let out a small breath.

Dealing with Rosalie sometimes was a little tense and even though Bella was used to her icy judgment, it didn't fail to make the human girl feel somewhat small. She knew she was completely welcome at the Cullen residence but Rosalie sometimes made her feel as if she was intruding in their personal space.

Staying with the Cullen's was a good distraction but it was also a place that made her think far too much of what life will be like when she turned into a vampire.

Emmett's boisterous and physical nature was refreshing and inviting while Alice was a crazy eclectic whirlwind of energy that always implored fun. Both of them already considered her their sister and never failed to make her day interesting. Their open friendly nature soothed Bella's own insecurities and she couldn't thank them enough for it.

Jasper didn't interact with Bella very much and at first Bella was worried that he didn't like her but soon realised that it was her blood that made him so uncomfortable. Although the few times Jasper did talk to her, he was always polite and _calming_.

Esme was a mother in all but blood. She was a woman that lived to love and a creature that you could not help but love back. Carlisle was her perfect complement as the father and wise leader, always understanding and curious.

Bella sighed as she sat down on the kitchen stool.

She was looking forward to being a part of the Cullen family but...recently the lingering guilt of leaving Renée and Charlie behind began to make it more present.

Charlie's strange behavior was starting really worry her and she guessed that was the main reason why she was getting overly concerned. He was her father and she felt like she was already losing him and she didn't know why.

Bella didn't know if she wanted to be at home at the moment.

She needed a rest from worrying and stressing. How she wished Edward was here, he always eased her mind a great deal and she already missed him despite the short hours he had been gone.

Before she could register the mass amounts of greenery, a bowl of chicken salad was slid in front of her. Bella blinked at the sudden appearance of food and looked up to find Carlisle smiling down at her.

"I thought you'd be hungry from your shopping trip."

Bella blinked again then hastily greeted him. "Thank you, I am a little hungry." she pulled the salad closer and picked up the fork to take a bite.

Carlisle gracefully sat down on an opposite stool. "I hope the salad isn't too salty, I'm afraid I don't know which dressing you like."

"No, no, it's perfectly fine." she quickly added while trying not the choke on a lettuce leaf. "It's wonderful, did you make it yourself?"

Carlisle nodded then stared quizzically at Bella when her expression turned almost comically dark.

"Is something the matter?"

Bella suddenly looked up. "Sorry...I was just noticing how unjust the world is." she sighed. "Edward makes beautiful dishes but he doesn't even eat. Grr...why is it that he's also perfect in the one thing that I thought I was better at than him?" then she suddenly laughed. "It's silly, but it seems you're also very talented in cooking as well."

"I do see the irony." Carlisle laughed gently. "Well, if it makes you feel better, next time I make you food, I'll make it particularly horrible."

It had always been very nice talking to Carlisle however rare it may be.

Although she was a little more shy around the three-hundred-and-something year old coven leader. Being a doctor and father, Bella assumed Carlisle had a fairly busy schedule no matter how relaxed he made it out to be so she sometimes felt the need not to bother him.

Of course the man always made room for his family and Bella felt warm at the idea that the beautiful blonde man already considered her his daughter.

She was pleasantly surprised that Carlisle stuck around while she ate the unnecessarily delicious chicken salad and made small conversation about her mundane life. Although Bella knew her life was more action-packed and crazy then most seventeen year old girls, but when it didn't involve the supernatural, it was rather dull.

But Carlisle nodded and paid attention to everything she said with keen curiosity.

At first she didn't really know what to say around the beautiful doctor but after a few moment it became surprisingly easy to have a conversation with him. Carlisle seemed to make it easier by starting of most of the sentences till Bella ran with it. His presence was soothing and he listened so well that Bella realised she had been rambling on for minutes now. She immediately flushed a little and gave an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry; I think I rambled on a little. I'm sure you have better things to do other than listen to my school life."

"Not at all, I enjoy listening to you." he answered honestly. "I think I've gain a new perspective on the trails of a high school teenager. Rather fascinating the social dynamics. This...Mike Newton...he seems to be a rather complex fellow."

_Mike Newton_? Bella didn't know whether he was joking or not but couldn't help but laugh at the blonde man's words. "Yes, I suppose. Very complex fellow."

"Well, I hope you enjoy your young life Bella Swan. It will only happen once." Carlisle said lightly.

Bella looked out the glass window to her left. "Yes I should...but with my turning soon, I'll be having plenty of years to relive high school again."

Carlisle nodded. "Hmmm, yes but it won't be the same." Bella turned back to watch the blonde man. "The others will agree, your time _now_ will be unattainable in the future because it will be a unique _human_ experience. No matter how many times you pretend to be seventeen, it will not be the same."

Bella seemed to be a little downcast. "Yeah, Edward keeps telling me the same thing. He thinks I'll regret loosing these _human_ experiences."

"He just wants more for you. You know he only wishes the best."

"I know, but _he_ is what I want the most." Bella blushed as she realised she said something so direct in front of Edward's father. It seemed a rather raw thing to say but she meant it.

Carlisle just smiled at her with kind eyes. "And you are all that _he_ wants."

Bella looked up and smiled gratefully as he passed her a glass of water. She took a sip while Carlisle placed her dish in the sink and looked down into the half-filled glass.

Carlisle watched her silently as she seemed to become absorbed in her own thoughts and almost completely forget his presence there. Edward had been right when he said she had become a great deal more absent minded and it was clear to the doctor that there was more than just school on her mind.

"Bella, are you alright?" Carlisle finally asked.

She snapped her head upwards and looked embarrassed at herself for drifting off. "Yes, of course." she replied lightly although Carlisle didn't think it was as true as she made it out to be.

Carlisle sat back down on the kitchen stool and looked at her with patient eyes that held the warmest honey Bella had ever seen. He seemed to stare at her for a few seconds in which Bella tried her best not to turn her gaze away.

After a few moments, Carlisle leaned back. "You're not feeling well are you?" it was more a statement than a question to Bella's ears.

She didn't say anything for a moment as she absorbed his words then let out a tired sigh. There was no way she could even attempt to fool Carlisle. "I suppose I'm not." she said quietly.

"You don't need to tell me if you don't wish to but...is there anything I can do to help?"

Bella could hear the genuine concern in Carlisle's voice and saw his face held a silent worry that only a father could understand. Despite her edginess she warmed immediately at the blonde doctor's compassion.

She gave him a reassuring smile and shook her head. "No, it really is nothing...just some things have been distracting me and...I can't help but feel a little down." she stared at Carlisle's calm face and couldn't help but want to apologize for his unnecessary concern. "I know Edward has been worried, I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me."

"Why don't you tell him?" Carlisle asked genuinely curious.

"I...it doesn't really make sense but he is the last person I want to tell." she cast her eyes back into the crystal water in her hands. "I've been such a hassle to your family Carlisle." she finally added.

Carlisle immediately shook his head. "Of course not Bella, it's not a hassle at all. You're already family to _all _of us, not just Edward and that means we will go to the ends of the earth if we must for those we care about." he held her eyes. "You would do the same for Charlie."

Bella seemed to pause to think then nodded. "Of course I would...Charlie he's...he means a lot to me." her voice was barely as whisper.

Carlisle noted all the delicate shifts and changes in her body language and knew that his assumption had been right. Carlisle had suspected the reason to Bella's ailment for a long time now and was saddened that he could not help her...at least not yet.

Bella seemed to have gathered herself and sighed. "You must understand, when it doesn't involve blood-thirsty-revenge-crazy-vampires, I don't want to use up your time. Even though I know you guys have _a lot_ of time, my own personal issues are not something I want everyone to be concerned about and Edward worries to an almost ridiculous level on a daily basis." she hoped she was making sense. "It's my own wish, I hope you understand."

Carlisle understood this aspect of Bella independent nature quite well and despite her recent dependency on their family due to the dangers that seem to follow her, Bella was a very independent girl. She had practically looked after herself _and _her mother back in Phoenix and developed a _middle-aged _mind set, according to Renée. It made sense that her need to not concern those around her for the smallest trouble to be reasonable, especially after being such a _hassle_ according to her. Bella was a girl that dealt with her own issues by herself...well those that didn't involve killer vampires at least.

"I understand." Carlisle gave her a dazzling smile similar to that of his son and made Bella a little breathless but grateful for understanding. "And I'm sure Edward would as well."

"Thank you." she said honestly then flushed again. "Sorry about my less then inviting mood, I can imagine my _moping_ doesn't make the best company."

Carlisle gave out a chiming laugh. "I think we're all entitled to a bit of _moping._"

"Argh...especially in this weather." Bella sighed as she looked out the window with a little pout on her lips. "Always raining, how can anyone feel better in such weather?"

"I take it you like weather back in Phoenix?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm more used to sunshine and I guess the weather effects a great deal on my outlook for the day." Bella then gave a small laugh to herself. "Although I admit, the wet seasons here are starting to grow on me." she turned back and smiled. "There's a lot here that are starting to grow on me."

"Well then I know you'll like tomorrow, I heard the weather will be in your favor." Carlisle added.

Bella's faced beamed. "Alice told me to expect warm weather tomorrow!" Carlisle chuckled at the girl's obvious favoritism for hot temperatures. "There won't be much sun but I don't mind the humidity as long as it doesn't rain."

Bella suddenly turned gloomy at such a fast rate that Carlisle was alarmed at the sudden change of mood.

"Oh...I've got school tomorrow. Well, that killed it." she grumbled. "Oh well, better than nothing."

Carlisle felt a little guilty for wanting to laugh at her disappointment. She was almost adorable in her dejection.

"Chin up Bella, all will be well. Besides, like I said, every school day counts as a precious human memory." he then gave her a grin. "Wouldn't want to disappoint Mr. Newton with your absence now do we?"

Bella just stared at Carlisle for his jest at her then started to laugh. "No, I suppose I shouldn't."

Bella was alarmed by Carlisle's phone suddenly buzzing and glanced down at the text message as he excused himself. After a moment stood up gracefully in one swift movement and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry for the interruption, I'm afraid one of my patients have done a runner again."

Bella's eyes widened. "_Again_?"

The blonde vampire couldn't help but chuckle at her disbelieving expression. "There is no doubt that Forks is a very interesting place to be." was all he said.

Bella watched the coven leader leave the kitchen after bidding her goodbye and wishing her a wonderful stay. She found herself still smiling after he had left and realised that talking to him had kept her mind off her worries...at least for a short time. But those moments didn't last.

Bella sighed and placed the cup in the sink. She better put her shoes back on, she didn't want to be caught bare foot again with glaring coral coloured toe nails.

* * *

"How is she?"

"Mostly fine to be honest, like right now in particular."

Two blonde vampires stood watching Bella and Alice gang up on Emmett. Poor Emmett was being forced to try out every shade of nail enamel that Alice could get her hands on while trying to keep as much dignity as possible. Even Rosalie, who was watching from a far seemed to be supporting the emasculation of her husband.

Jasper and Carlisle stood together a little further away, out of sight as they observed.

"But despite how _fine_ she seems it isn't hard to figure out when her mood drops. Like _now_, she's not actively being preoccupied anymore and this leaves her alone with her thoughts."

It was true. Carlisle could see Bella pulling herself away for just a moment looking as if she was taking a breather but a small amount of vacancy could be detected in her eyes as she detached herself from her immediate surroundings.

"I can already begin to feel concern radiating off her and a little bit of helplessness." Jasper explained quietly.

Carlisle nodded. "I see. Thank you Jasper, I'm sorry for taking your time."

"No need to apologize, I'm worried for her as well but I don't think it's anything too serious and I don't detect signs of depression. I think she'll be alright."

Jasper watched his surrogate father frown as he was lost his own thoughts. He knew Carlisle was placing extra responsibility for Bella's wellbeing, not just for Bella but for Edward as well. Even without his empathic abilities Jasper knew Carlisle wished the best for both of them and he would try whatever in his ability to make sure they remained happy.

Bella's happiness was Edward's happiness and thus Carlisle will be content.

_Content_ being the main emotion. No more, no less. But Jasper knew being just content was not the same as happy and it seemed Carlisle was ignoring that fact.

"I will try to calm her but I won't meddle too much with her emotions." Jasper explained. "She'll need to fix her issues on her own without external influences."

Carlisle nodded at Jasper's advice. "It certainly seems that Bella needs to overcome whatever adversity she is facing."

After a pause Jasper finally asked, "You know what's wrong with her don't you?"

Carlisle did not answer but Jasper wasn't really asking a question and knew that Carlisle had full knowledge of Bella's predicament. This alone made Jasper feel a little more optimistic for the human girl.

Before Jasper turn to leave he place a firm pat on the older vampire's shoulder, "I'm sure you'll know what to do." then left Carlisle to think by himself.

* * *

It was indeed lovely weather the next day and Bella stared out the window of English class wishing she was somewhere else.

Every time Edward went to hunt Bella actually enjoyed school due to the fact that it kept her mind occupied and her class mates never ceased to entertain her idle mind.

But it seemed that this time it was not working. Neither her friends nor her teachers could distract her from thinking about where Edward was at the moment or when he will be coming back home. Her mind was also worrying about other things as well.

When she had forced Edward to go hunt she honestly meant it for his own wellbeing but...she had to admit that she wished he hadn't gone. She missed him dearly and wanted his soothing presence to calm her more than dejected mood.

It seemed her English teacher was just about to snap at her for not paying attention in class when someone knocked on the door.

"Miss Isabella Swan in wanted at the front office." informed the messenger.

Bella's head snapped quickly in surprise to the sound of her name and was genuinely puzzled to why she was being summoned. She hadn't done anything wrong so she couldn't be in trouble could she?

"Er, should I pack my things or will it be a short meeting." she asked quietly.

The messenger just signaled for her to pack her books away. She quickly nodded and packed her belongings into her bag, the whole way through flushing a deep red from the number of eyes watching her curiously, probably also wondering why she was being summoned.

She ducked her head as she hastily shuffled out of the classroom.

As Bella paced toward the front office she went through all the reasons why she would be called out of class but there were too many reasons. Maybe it was her father? It seemed most possible.

Just as she began to think of series of horrible reason for her summoning she stopped abruptly when a weight had been lifted from her shoulder.

Confused, Bella looked down to find her bag had disappeared.

Just as her confusion escalated she suddenly jumped when she felt distinctly cold fingers gently grab her hand.

She gasped as she turned around to face the last person she expected to find walking down her school hallway.

"Carlisle?"

"Good morning Bella, I hope you're feeling well today." he asked calmly as if this was entirely normal.

Carlisle was wearing a casual white t-shirt with an unzipped leather jacket and jeans. She noted that her bag was comfortably hanging from his shoulder.

Bella was momentarily gaping at his attire as she had never seen him look so...so...young to put it simply.

Carlisle always looked youthful but he usually wore polo's, suit shirts or his doctor's coat which never failed to make him look older but now he _really_ looked _young_. No older than twenty-one or twenty-two maximum.

He looked different, beautiful in a different way other than his normal fatherly-I'm-the-much-hotter-younger-brother-of-Zeus way. He was definitely...hotter.

Bella face heated up at the direction of her thoughts and quickly turned away.

How anyone thought _this_ man was a father of five children, she did not know.

"Er..." she mumble unintelligently. "Yes I am, Wha-"

She was cut off but Carlisle's cold hands gently guiding her out of the school before she could even think of what was happening.

"Alice was right, it is lovely weather today. I hope it doesn't rain later on though." Carlisle said seemingly to himself.

Bella just allowed herself to be guided into Carlisle's black car which was parked in the school lot and suddenly gained back her bearings.

"Carlisle I'm meant to be going to the front office, it might be important - "

"Don't worry; I'm sure they can wait."

Bella's eyes widened. "What?" she absently sat in the front seat of the car still beyond confused at where all this was going.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear her father's voice telling her to not get into cars with strangers but she quickly shook her head. "Where are you taking me?" she asked again as she watched Carlisle slid into his seat. "I can't just leave school."

Carlisle gave an amused chuckled and smiled reassuringly. "I was joking Bella, the one who called you to the front office was me."

Carlisle buckled himself in and Bella did the same but with a much more puzzled expression. "You did?" she frowned. "Er...why? Is it Charlie; did something happen at the hospital?"

"No." Carlisle answered simply.

As soon as Carlisle started the engine Bella suddenly realised that Carlisle really was going to drive out of school with her. Bella suddenly put her hand on the steering wheel and looked at the blonde man with a determined but highly confused expression.

"Carlisle what's going on?"

Then Carlisle turned to look at her with his impossibly warm, honey eyes and Bella's hearted stuttered when he gave her a smile that she knew made angels weep.

With his calm, soothing voice that contradicted the uncharacteristically cheeky grin that appeared on the blonde doctor face, he finally answered:

"Why isn't it obvious Bella? I'm kidnapping you."

* * *

**A/N: **OH man...Carlisle you just can't help but be devious eh? I hoped this was a lighter chapter than my usual angsty stuff.

Carlisle's interaction with Bella is pretty important as he is the only one that knows what wrong with Bella. It's pretty obvious what making her worried but the rest of the characters in the story don't know except for him.

Tell me what you think, I treasure your opinions.

CADEL


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Bella finally states what has been on her mind. This one's a rather long chapter.

* * *

**Previously:**

_"Carlisle what's going on?"_

_Then Carlisle turned to look at her with his impossibly warm, honey eyes and gave her a smile that she knew made angels weep. _

_With his calm, soothing voice that contradicted the uncharacteristically cheeky grin that appeared on the blonde doctor face, he finally answered:_

_"Why isn't it obvious Bella? I'm kidnapping you."  
_

* * *

CHAPTER 9

* * *

The brown-eyed girl had stared at the doctor for a few moments as nothing but a dumbstruck expression adorned her face.

Her momentary lapse of brain function was broken when she felt the car begin to move out of her school parking lot. All Carlisle did was glance at her once more and chuckled lightly at the confused girl.

Perhaps Bella should have been more alarmed by the sudden unexpected turn of events which started out from a seemingly boring day. She didn't quite understand what was happening but regardless of the bizarre situation, she still trusted Carlisle enough to not worry too much...but that didn't sooth her confusion.

"Um...Carlisle, where are we going?" Bella finally asked as she realised Carlisle had just drove past the Forks highway exit.

"Do you trust me?" Carlisle suddenly asked with light mirth lacing his tone.

Bella just nodded.

It was true, she did trust him...there was hardly anything at all about the man that exuded danger or even the slightest trace of malevolence...which was astounding considering the fact that he was a vampire and that unavoidably meant he - by nature - fed on humans such as herself.

"Although I admit that I'm a little confused." she confessed as she observed another unfamiliar signboard zoom pass her window.

After a moment of silence Carlisle continued speaking.

"I understand that this may have come off as rather abrupt but I hope you don't mind skipping school for one day. If it bothers you, I can personally help you with whatever part of the syllabus you missed out on today." he stated calmly still looking ahead.

It was oddly endearing that the he was worrying about her education while whisking her away to god knows where. It was so very fatherly that she couldn't help but smile while shaking her head.

"It's fine, I won't be missing school the least bit." she threw another questioning look. "But really Carlisle...where are we going? We're already out of Forks."

"The place we're going is about an hour's drive from here." he took his eyes away from the road and turned to look at her. "I hope you don't mind a little change of scenery."

He continued driving without showing any sign of revealing where they were going at all but Bella had already noticed a change in the landscape around them. There was noticeably less forest than Forks and more high hills and flat grass land. Now and then Bella caught sight of a couple of wild horses roaming that large pastures which eventually thinned out into large boulders of sandstone and pine.

It wasn't too long till Bella finally understood what Carlisle meant by change of scenery.

Deep grey, blue was the first colour that met her as she craned her neck to get a better view. Then she noticed splashes of red, yellow, greens and purples dotting the sky like a rainbow of birds filling the large horizon of clouds.

Kites. Thousands of kite's jeweled the sky and behind she saw the large expanse of ocean that made her feel a child-like excitement that was only reserved for a day out to the seaside.

As soon as the car parked itself, Bella practically dashed out of the vehicle and ran up ahead to get a better look at the sea.

Bella turned back to look at Carlisle who silently stood next to her to observe the scenery. The blonde doctor smile softly as his honey eyes gazed over the large blue that glittered dimly in the half covered sun.

His whimsical gaze made Bella think that the man was appreciating the landscape in a way that Bella did not fully understand.

"I know you're wondering why I brought you here." Carlisle said calmly still with a smile on his lips. "It hardly seems like something I would normally do."

"Just a little." Bella admitted quietly.

"The truth is, it seems your love for warmer weather had been a little more than contagious and I found myself unable to waste such a lovely day for something as monotonous as work." he gave a disarming smile as he turned to look at her. "Then I thought that it would be much more of a tragedy if Miss Swan were to miss out as well."

Bella blinked at the sudden explanation and laughed. She gave an apologetic look at Carlisle's puzzled gaze at her mirth. "I never knew you were such a rebel Carlisle."

Her statement was followed by his own chiming laugh. "Of course I am. Why would you think otherwise?"

"Thank you Carlisle, I appreciate it." Bella thanked earnestly. "It's beautiful isn't it?" She asked as she turned back to look at the sea.

"It is." Carlisle answered simply. "But I think it looks much better up close." with a sudden grin he gently held Bella's hand and pulled her towards the sandy beach.

By the time the two had reached the water edge, Bella no longer needed any more prompting from Carlisle as she quickly took off her shoes and trudged through the shallow banks of the beach. It was unbelievably soothing to dig her toes in the sand as it shifted softly with the ebb of the waves. The salty taste in the air was almost aromatic and seemed to match the tangy vibrancy that always seemed to accompany a day out on the beach.

Bella turned around to find Carlisle had also taken off his shoes and followed her example. The ends of his jeans were wetter than hers but he didn't seem to mind as he suddenly crouched down and peered at something in the water. It was only a moment later that she squeaked as he suddenly pulled out a hermit crab from beneath the surface. She gave a mocking scowl as he laughed at her surprise.

Bella noted that despite the warm weather, it was still greatly cloudy but the sun still glowed from behind the grey sky above making everything oddly bright, just without the yellow hue of the sun.

It seemed to be perfect weather for someone like Carlisle to be outside.

There was no direct sunlight anywhere for miles and that kept risk to exposure low. But Bella didn't miss that his skin still seemed to have a bit of an ethereal glow that honestly seemed to make him look like a male siren out of an old Greek painting.

It was still odd to see Carlisle so relaxed in his white T-shirt and carelessly rolled up jeans.

It wasn't that he wasn't relaxed all the time but Bella noted that the doctors' coat he usually wore and the tweed or suit shirts made him seemed so much more tied-up than he really was. But Bella was glad she could witness this side of the important Cullen coven leader.

At some point Carlisle had told Bella to wait while he retrieved something. A little baffled by his sudden disappearance, she just stayed and enjoyed the beach.

The seaside kite competition didn't escape her attention either.

Quite frankly it made her almost surprisingly pouty at the thought that she couldn't participate.

A yellow kite that seemed to be spiraling a little out of control caught Bella's attention as it almost landed on her head. A small girl came running to retrieve it and apologize in such a cute manner that Bella wanted to pick her up. After a moment of attempting to untangle herself from the little girl's kite she gave it back to her.

"Made a new friend?"

Bella jumped a little at Carlisle sudden voice over her shoulder and found him holding a white plastic bag.

"What's that?" she asked curiously.

"You'll see." he grinned. "Come on, there's something I wanted to show you."

Bella followed Carlisle as he trekked up the beach till the sandy ground turned to rock pebbles. After a few minutes of hiking, Carlisle gently hoisted Bella up so she could climb over a large sandstone boulder and gasped at the wide opening of a seaside cave.

"A cave." she gasped in awe.

"It's amazingly hidden and it can't be found unless you knew it was here." Carlisle explained as he continued walking into the wide cave. "And if you look to your left you can see the ocean just a couple of meters away."

Bella curiously scanned the surprisingly open sandstone cavern as she continued to walk behind Carlisle.

"You see this?" the blonde man pointed to a distinct dark line that stained the stone walls. "This dark stratum of stone indicates where the water usually reaches."

Bella's eyes widened. "It's almost seven feet high!"

Carlisle nodded. "This cave is actually usually submerged almost completely with sea water but for a couple week, once every year, the water floods out leaving it dry and safe to explore." he suddenly smiled like he had something special to reveal. "The best part about this cave during this time of year is that it reveals something that cannot found unless it is during these specific few days."

Carlisle urged Bella to follow him as she held onto his arm for support. After a few moment of walking the floor they were standing on dipped into a shallow basin of sandstone. And within this basin was small hole in the ground that scattered themselves over the cave floor like series of illuminated rock pools.

Each rock hole was a direct opening to sea water which was visibly churning calmly within each opening. The water in each of these naturally created rock holes were an amazingly vibrant shade of wild blue which washed the cavern in lovely dappled light.

"Is that sea water?" Bella asked as she moved closer to observe the wild blue.

"Each opening in the floor is like small direct portals to the sea. The water here is both calm and wild. Try your best not to fall into any of them." Carlisle joked.

Bella was rather dazzled by the strange blueness of the water which was very calm in some holes while moving and swirling loudly on others.

Carlisle crouched down near of the rock portals and opened up the bag he had been carrying. Bella didn't recognize the strange soft thing that was between his fingers but she watched as he slowly dipped it into the water.

Suddenly the meaty bait that was once in his hands had been snatched by a fish.

Bella crouched down closer in amazement as Carlisle chuckled lightly at her curiosity.

"Would you like to try?" he offered her the bag of bait and gently placed one in her fingers. Gently holding onto her hand, she reluctantly dip her fingers into the water and waited in anticipation.

Nothing came to her immediately like it did for Carlisle but just as she was about to pull back, a small silver fish darted out of nowhere and plucked the bait out if her hands.

She gave a loud squeak at their sudden new friend and looked down to find her finders empty.

Carlisle and Bella stayed in the caves feeding an assortment of sea creatures for a good hour as they competed for the one to lure in the largest creature. In the end it was Carlisle who won, he seemed to have attracted a brown eel which looked too much like a fat snake for Bella's liking.

After they found that their bag was empty, Carlisle pulled Bella up and they hiked back down to wash their hands.

It was about three in the afternoon when Bella and Carlisle stumbled across a seaside amusement park.

Despite Bella's history of living with Renée in hot and sunny places, the chocolate eyed girl had never actually been to an amusement park before. She most certainly observed them from a far but Bella never participated in one.

Having a sudden childish urge to complete a childhood experience, Bella pulled Carlisle along through the numerous colourful stands and bustling avenues of games and rides. She was grateful that Carlisle didn't seem to mind her pulling him through the crowds to various different stands as she tried things here and there.

She doubted the thrill rides could actually _thrill_ a vampire but Carlisle humored her as he accompanied her on the roller coasters and 'The Giant Drop'. The two went into a haunted house and Bella couldn't help but laugh at the unoriginality of it all, although she admitted to sticking a little closer to the blonde man as they walked through the foggy, dim-lit corridors.

Carlisle peered at a fake mannequin that popped out of nowhere with added sound effects. "Hmm...I think this is supposed to be a vampire?"

Bella giggled as Carlisle stood next to the fake vampire figure and mimicked its scowling pose.

"You know, I think that blob of plastic is far more frightening than you could ever manage to look." she giggle with a fake solemn tone.

The blonde doctor laughed and gave the fake vampire and good pat on the shoulder. "At least I tried."

After they had exited the Horror House, Carlisle wandered near a stall and once again peered closely at the object of the game with such intense calculation that it honestly made Bella want to laugh.

"So, you throw pie at the man's face and you get a prize?" Carlisle asked still looking at the poor man strapped behind a giant target board with nothing but his face showing.

"Yeah, and the man next to him will drop into the tank of sea water if you manage to hit the red button above his head." Bella explained.

Both noticed that some people were throwing the ball at the man's head rather than the target.

Carlisle looked at little puzzled. "Interesting...although I can think of better ways to drown someone than this." he chuckled. "As for the pie, I'd rather eat it."

"Carlisle...you don't _eat_." Bella pointed out.

The blonde doctor gave her a sneaky look and leaned in. "Who says I don't."

Bella just laughed and pulled Carlisle away from the puzzling games.

A group of adolescent boys were crowded near a shooting game complaining to the poor man at the stand about getting their money back. It seemed the lot of them was sore losers as none of them could hit their targets.

A girl about fourteen was also at the stand and was trying to shoot her series of targets with surprisingly well aim but kept being nudged and bumped by the group of boys. It ended with her running out of time and losing.

It seemed that at one point Carlisle had disappeared and placed his tokens on the counter while completely ignoring the group of boys nearby. Bella watched as the blonde held the rifle gun to his eye level with surprising ease and began shooting off the targets in series of fast pace hits. It was only a few moments later that he placed his rifle back down and gave a disarming but confidant smirk towards the group of adolescents.

Bella watched as the group of rowdy boys left, seeing as their complaints about _rigged_ games had been easily disproven.

"Wow sir, you're amazing." complimented the fourteen year old girl. She seemed awed by his skills and Bella could easily tell that she was a gun enthusiast.

Carlisle smiled down at her. "Thank you, I noticed you've got impeccable aim."

The teen blushed at the compliment but grinned at Carlisle. "Sure do, my brothers and I always go out back to train."

Carlisle nodded. "Do you hunt?"

"No," she shook her head. "My brothers do but...I never really had the stomach for that kind of stuff." she added honestly. "But I saw your aim, do you hunt too?"

Carlisle chuckled. "I do...but not with guns."

The man at the stand briefly spoke to Carlisle and brought out his prize. Carlisle looked down at the oversized panda and leaned down to give it to the girl. "Here, you can have it, I think I already have one of these at home."

The girl seemed surprised but accepted the gift. "Thanks man, you're pretty cool."

The blonde laughed and gently patted her head then walked back to Bella who had been watching a few feet away.

"You cheated." Bella teased.

"It was for a good cause." Carlisle countered back.

"That was pretty nice of you though, very _Carlisle_." Bella commented. "And kick ass."

It wasn't long until it was Bella's turn to be the hero.

It about ten minutes later that Bella spotted a familiar face. "Hey...I know her." she mumbled to Carlisle.

The little girl with the yellow kite that she had met that morning on the beach was crying alone near the candy floss stand.

Carlisle watched as Bella crouched down and gently rubbed the girls back as she huffed out her tears. "Are you okay, why are you crying by yourself?"

"I-I can't find my mum." she cried as she tried to rub her eyes.

Bella gave the little girl a reassuring smile and stood up. "Come on then, I'll help you look for her."

The little girl stood up with Bella and kept close to her. Carlisle approached her and gave her the warmest smile he could, it seemed to have worked as the little girl smiled a little back at him.

"I'm sure your mum's around here somewhere; she can't be too far away." Carlisle wiped away some stray tears near her chin and gently hoisted the young girl into his arms. She gave out a surprised squeal but giggle a little when he nudged her sides. "Now what's you name little one." he asked gently.

"Lily." she answered simply.

"That's a lovely name. How old are you?" he smiled.

She lifted up six little fingers.

"Six?" Bella asked. Lily nodded. "Can you tell me where was the last place you saw your mother?"

The little girl seemed to have forgotten her fears as the two adults helped her find her family. After a while Lily was showing a bit more spunk than both Bella and Carlisle though the small girl was capable of. She called Bella princess and called Carlisle, _Carly_. It seemed that Bella allied with Lily and continued calling the blonde vampire the ridiculous knick name.

Bella discreetly leaned to Carlisle's ear and whispered. "Have you found her scent yet?"

Carlisle nodded. "Her mother's scent all over the place but I can smell she's somewhere up a head."

It seemed that Lily spotted her mum before either of them did. A woman with dark hair and a red umbrella came rushing over to the little girl and swept her in her arms. After a moment of motherly fussing she turned back and looked over to the two people who had helped her daughter find her. "Who are they honey?"

"Oh that's princess Bella and her boyfriend Carly!" Lily explained.

The mother looked over to the young looking girl that became incredibly red in the face and her blonde companion who honestly was by far one of the most stunning men she had ever seen. Momentarily ogling, the mother shook her head and quickly placed a hat on her daughter and smiled at the young couple.

"Thank you so much for helping her, I can't thank you enough."

Bella recovered herself and gave a sweet smile. "Not at all, Lily was very helpful," looking at the girl she smiled even wider. "And very brave."

Carlisle approached Lily and gently ruffled her brown hair. "Well it seems we will be parting ways now little miss."

Lily suddenly hugged Carlisle and Bella and with a big 'thanks' she went off with her mother in the other direction.

Bella turned to find Carlisle looking in their direction with a contemplative look.

"What is it?" Bella asked curiously.

"That girl...I was thinking that her blood smells very familiar..." the blonde doctor answered quietly.

"Familiar?" Bella asked looking back in the same direction.

He nodded. "I may have come across a family member with similar blood to her perhaps that would explain it. I'm not sure." He hummed a little in thought till he suddenly looked down at his watch. "We might be a little late; we better get back to the car."

It was five pm by the time Carlisle and Bella were driving down the seaside coast line to an unknown destination.

"Are we going home?" Bella asked a little confused by the sudden change in direction.

"We will after you've eaten. You've barely eaten anything all day and Edward will have my head if he knew I let you starve." he chuckled lightly.

On que, Bella's stomach made a formidable growl which left her flushing red. Why was it that every time someone mentioned food, her body had to broadcast her hunger to the world?

Carlisle just smiled at her embarrassment. "It's a little late but it's a good thing I made reservations."

"You didn't have to do that; I could have a burger on the way back." Bella quickly added. She honestly didn't want Carlisle spending money on her when she barely ever let Edward do it either.

"I know but it's too late now to cancel the reservation." he added smoothly.

"You planned this." Bella stated with a slight shake of the head.

"But of course Bella dear." he remarked back with a grin.

Bella suddenly looked down at herself and felt a little underdressed for a restaurant. Her blouse was a little wet from lingering salt water and her jeans smelled like fish bait. "Er...I don't think they'll let me in looking like this."

"There's no need to worry, there's some of your clothes in the back. You can change in the local change rooms when we get there." Carlisle reassured her.

Bella was a little surprised to find a whole bag full of stuff that honestly wasn't hers at all but she definitely recognised the blue dress that she had purchased only yesterday.

Bella shook her head and gave a mental sigh.

Alice knew all along didn't she?

She even wrote a note for Bella, insisting that she wear the blue dress with the white, lace bolero. Feeling like the world was definitely playing her; Bella cleaned herself, dressed and applied very little make-up to freshen her face. After ten minutes she stepped out to find Carlisle waiting for her near the entrance of the seafood restaurant.

He hadn't changed his clothes but somehow he looked different. He was still wearing his white T and jeans with his leather jacket but Bella couldn't seem to point it out what was different. She supposed it didn't matter as the restaurant would let any Cullen inside even if they were wearing a potato sack. Her theory was proven when the female waiters practically stumbling around with their jaws hanging open.

Bella knew the effects the Cullen's had on humans, sometimes she wondered if the Cullen's knew it or not. Looking at Carlisle, he seemed to be completely oblivious to their reactions as he politely commented or answered to whatever they asked with a perfect poker face. But Bella knew that vampires were definitely aware of their physical advantage over their prey.

Bella hoped she had become just a little bit immune to their _dazzle, _although it wasn't likely. She could sometimes barely look at Edward when he smiled at her...and it seemed that Carlisle's smile could rival his son's easily.

Carlisle pulled Bella's chair out and waited for her to sit down before he finally took his seat. Both spent a couple of minutes choosing what they would order till Bella made her decision and Carlisle ordered the same and a glass of wine.

By the time her seafood cuisine arrived, Bella had already consumed her bread roll and to Carlisle's mirth gave her his own. Luckily her main course had arrived soon after that.

"You look beautiful by the way." Carlisle commented as if he was talking about the colour of the sky. Bella flushed as she swallowed her crab salad, trying not to go anymore red.

"So tell me Bella, did you enjoy today?" the blonde man suddenly asked.

"It was a much unexpected surprise." Bella answered honestly. "I wasn't expecting to spend my entire Monday at a seaside carnival or feeding fish by rock pools. But I did enjoy myself today" she gave the beautiful doctor a grateful smile. "I really appreciate you bringing me out here Carlisle." Bella then gave the doctor a questioning stare. "But can I ask why? I know you've already explained to me before but I don't think you would just skip out of work just to bring me here."

Carlisle chuckled softly. "My, my Bella, you've grown cunning. I admit that I brought you out here for more than one reason."

Bella stopped eating at the confession and waited for Carlisle to continue. Although she didn't really think on it, the entire day Bella couldn't help but feel that Carlisle was building up to something or maybe he was waiting for something she could not pin point.

"I thought you needed a distraction. If only for a day." he revealed.

Bella frowned a little. "Distraction?"

Carlisle nodded and stared at her with intense dark gold eyes. "Yes, a distraction from your worries for at least a day. I think you know what I'm talking about."

Bella remained quite as she stared down at the napkin on her table. Silence stretched between the two as Bella sat quietly in thought. Carlisle remained calm as he patiently waited for the young girl to collect her mind.

Their silence was broken by Bella's soft chuckle as she took a sip of her coke. Brown eyes met gold with a sad sort of acceptance and Carlisle knew she was ready to talk.

"Tell me," she propped her chin in her palm as she gazed out the window. "Was I that obvious?"

"Not at all... and I think that's what frightened Edward the most, he didn't know until you started to _slip_. I only found out when Edward informed me but...I may have known a little bit earlier than anyone." Carlisle admitted.

The human girl turned to stare at the blonde man whose gaze held no accusation or pity. Just warmth and understanding.

Bella found herself suddenly unable to keep her silence anymore.

"I'm losing him Carlisle, I'm losing him even before I've left him." she suddenly whispered trying desperately not to end up crying in the middle of the restaurant. "I've known there was something wrong with dad for a while...I just didn't think it would be something like _this._"

She surreptitiously wiped her eyes before any tears could fall and turned her head away from the restaurant. "It wasn't Charlie's illness that had caught my attention; it was his behavior _towards_ it. I just thought he was having a bad case of the flu but every time he would cough with me in the room he would try so hard to make it seem like it was nothing. Sometimes he would hold it in but...that just made it worse." she paused then continued. "I didn't get why Charlie was making such a huge deal over such a small thing...but that was until he started coughing out blood. From then...I knew that this wasn't some flu...I should have seen it Carlisle, he'd been coughing for _months_ and I hadn't even been concerned by it. I _live_ with him and I didn't even find it odd."

Carlisle suddenly understood another dimension to Bella's distress. She was feeling _guilty_. Bella felt she had placed her own issues before her father to the point where she didn't even notice he was sick.

"I neglected him Carlisle. I left him alone."

The blonde gave her a tissue while he gently pushed fallen strands of chestnut brown away from her face. "Bella, you're not like us, you were not made to notice every little detail around you. I understand why you blame yourself but it's misguided."

"It doesn't stop me from feeling like I've failed him in some way." Bella answered quietly.

"You've been busy Bella; even I will admit that the past few months had been more than a little hectic if not downright life threatening. You've also had to make life altering decisions and you have gambled many things to pursue your goals and to chase your _love._" he gave a small smile. "Or do you think none of it was worth it?"

Bella quickly looked up and shook her head. "Of course it was worth it...I just -" she sighed. "I'm not ready to lose my father but that only makes me feel even more selfish because I was so willing to just leave only a couple weeks ago. Edward and I have been discussing about the inevitable, about my turning and I'm ready for it but...until then I want to keep my _living_ family close."

"I think that's justified but promise me you won't go placing ridiculous pressure upon yourself. I speak as a father and let me tell you that both Charlie and I do not wish to see our children bare our burdens...it is simply not your job to do so." Carlisle explained as he leaned back in his chair.

Bella nodded while she pushed he crab around on the plate. "You knew didn't you?" she looked up at the doctor. "I had a suspicion that if anyone would know about Charlie and his _illness_, it would be you."

"Yes, I did know." Carlisle admitted. "He came to me about two weeks ago saying he wanted to be diagnosed."

Bella visibly tensed and swallowed her dry throat. "And?"

Carlisle's face remained calm as he answered. "He asked to be diagnosed for cancer."

Neither spoke for a few moments till Bella surprisingly just sighed and nodded.

"I guessed as much. Charlie's father had lung cancer and Renée told me that he took it pretty hard." she stared down at her crab salad. "I didn't suspect Charlie would have seriously thought he had cancer as well but when I did find out...I just - I dunno...I got really scared. He tried so hard to keep it from me; he'd even leave the house in the middle of the night just to cover up his coughing fits."

By now there were visible tears on the girls face which Bella tried to hide. Carlisle gently wiped them away gave her a warm smile that seemed to implore her to lighten up.

"Like I had mentioned before, I brought you out here to distract you...but I also wished for you to open up to your issues."

Bella smiled a little. "A bit contradictory isn't it?"

Carlisle gave a light shrug. "Yes, but it worked." he continued to smile. "But I'm glad you told me because now I can tell you that just because your father came to me with the intent on finding out if he had cancer doesn't mean he actually _has_ cancer."

Bella frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, your father asked to be tested for lung cancer and I understood that he would recognise the symptoms as he had seen them before when your grandfather had it. So I did the regular checkup and I indeed found quite a lot of similar symptoms to lung cancer." he paused to give Bella a calming but stern look. "But that does not mean he has it. I'm personally not specialized in this field so I recommended your father to a lung specialist that I know who can give him an accurate diagnosis."

"So there's a chance that he doesn't have it?" Bella dared to hope a little.

Carlisle smiled and nodded. "There's a high chance he doesn't have cancer but there is a small chance that he does. We can't be sure until the results come back. Charlie promised that he would tell you when he found out for sure."

Bella eyes widened. "He said that?"

"Of course, like I said before, the children's duty is not to carry the burdens of their parents but to support them when they need it most. If Charlie found out that he had cancer, he would tell you. If didn't have it, he would tell you. It would still be the same but until then he wishes to deal with this himself." Carlisle suddenly chuckled. "This is very similar to what you've been doing for a good month."

Bella started a little at that realisation.

She really had been doing exactly what her father had been doing. Both father and daughter had tried to deal with it on their own but had completely forgotten that such things would never truly be invisible to those who care about you. Instead it just leads to both parties becoming restless and worrisome.

"Do you see that the pattern?" the blonde smiled in understanding as he watched Bella come to the same realisation. "Charlie tried dealing with it silently while you tried to deal with it silently, while that led Edward to worry even _more_, which led me to force you to spill your issues over crab salad."

Bella actually managed a weak laugh at the realisation. "I suppose your wisdom has come out on top again."

"Not at all, I just don't like seeing any of my precious family hurt," he gently held her chin. "And that includes you Miss Swan."

Once again Bella was overwhelmed by his warmth that she reached over and gently squeezed Carlisle's hand in her own. "Thank you." she paused and looked down. "Was Edward really that worried?"

Carlisle almost, _almost_ snorted at the understatement. "Like an angst filled teenager. He was worried to the point he wouldn't leave your side to go hunt." he shook his head.

"All of this...are you doing this because Edward asked you to?" Bella suddenly asked as the question popped into her mind.

Carlisle shook her head. "No, he asked me to watch out for you but _this_," he gestured all around him. "was not at his request. Actually this was something that has been on my mind for quite some time now."

The brown eyed girl blinked at his words. "What do you mean?"

Carlisle swiftly leaned in and captured Bella's small hands into his own cold marble fingers. She couldn't help but flush at the contact.

"Bella, I already see you as my family and one of my most precious daughters but before you become one of us...I wanted you to have a memorable experience just as yourself...as _Isabella Swan_ the fearless, ridiculously accident prone _human_ girl from rainy Forks."

She flushed even more at his description of her but he didn't let go of her hands.

"I know today would have been better if it had been Edward to have taken you instead of me but I hope it was enjoyable none the less." Carlisle added as he stared at their joined hands with a small smile. "_This_ outing today was my formal thanks to you as your future father-in-law."

Bella gave an unintelligent "Huh?" she blinked in confusion. "Today was you _thanking_ me?"

The blonde couldn't help but chuckled at her incredulous expression.

"I don't think you have any idea how much I wanted to meet you the moment Edward spoke of you, so long ago." he laughed. "The human girl that melted Edward's icy heart, the heart shrouded in a hard shield for almost a century. You were by far the most exciting thing to happen in our family...and the most _important _person to Edward, who had - up until then - been so sure that he would never find his mate. That he didn't _deserve_ one."

Bella watched as the man before her slowly reveal a fraction of sadness in his eyes that she honestly never expected to see in him. She had been equally startled by what he said about Edward.

"You don't know how worried I was for him. His mind, his self-value was just so..._self-destructive_." he gave an uncharacteristic shuddering sigh. "I worried more than anyone knew." he turned intense gold eyes towards her. "That is why I cannot thank you enough for all you have done, all you have risked for your love towards my son." with another affectionate squeeze of her hand he then let them go.

He gave her his warmest smile that practically oozed infinite appreciation that honestly blew her away a little.

"You saved him in more ways than one and for that, I Carlisle Cullen will forever be in your debt."

With that said Carlisle lifted up his glass and clanked it on Bella's who was still reeling from his sudden, overwhelming speech.

"Thank you Bella."

And then to her everlasting shock, he brought the tall glass to his lips and drank without hesitation. She watched as a single trail of dark, crimson wine escape the glass rim, shocking red staining his ivory lips.

Like blood on cold marble.

* * *

**A/N: **This chap held vital interaction between Bella and Carlisle.  
Also the ending was somewhat symbolic of Carlisle official acknowledgment of Bella as Edward mate. Something I'm sure he found both wonderful and sad.

Please comment, I love reading your opinions.

CADEL


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